Page 105 of Scarbound

“He was the only person mentioned in Haneul’s suicide note.”

“I know.”

Chung-Hee’s voice began to tremble. “And I love him too.”

His mother closed her eyes.

“Differently,” he continued. “But no less.”

“You don’t know what love is anymore.”

For a second, he remembered Noeul standing near the elevator. Then why does what you want always matter more than what I ask for?

Chung-Hee looked down. He no longer knew.

“Our relationship is difficult,” he said. “Maybe impossible for anyone outside it to understand.”

She gave a small, bitter laugh. “That is what people say when they know something is wrong.”

Chung-Hee ignored her. “His life was destroyed too. You heard him tonight.” His voice cracked. “Noeul lost his best friend and his brother. He has lived inside the same grief we have.” His eyes filled. “We feel the same things, Mother.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No, Chung-Hee.” She shook her head. “You are both suffering.”

For the first time since Haneul’s funeral, Ms. Lee saw tears in her eldest son’s eyes. Not the controlled grief he allowed at ceremonies. Not anger disguised as mourning. For one brief moment, she saw the child he had once been beneath the man sitting across from her. Then fear replaced everything else.

“You will destroy each other.”

The words came out almost as a plea.

“You can’t break something that’s already broken.”

Silence settled over the kitchen. From somewhere down the hallway came the faint sound of Noeul breathing: slow, even, exhausted.

Chung-Hee turned his head toward the bedroom. Noeul was sleeping peacefully. And he had no idea what kind of man was sitting in the kitchen deciding his future.

Chung-Hee looked back at his mother. “There is only one thing you must never do.”

Ms. Lee frowned. She leaned against the counter and watched him warily. “What is it?”

Chung-Hee held her gaze. “You must never give him the forgiveness he wants from you.”

She blinked. “What?”

“Never. Under any circumstances.”

“Why?”

Chung-Hee didn’t answer immediately. He looked toward the hallway again, then back at her.

“Because if you forgive him…” His voice dropped. “I lose the only alibi I have for keeping him beside me.”

Ms. Lee went completely still.

Chung-Hee continued before she could respond. “He believes your forgiveness means everything.”