Page 70 of Worth Risking It

“I love him, but I’m afraid of him,” I admitted for the first time to both him and myself. This revelation had tears streaking my cheeks, my insides twisting with agony. “He can do whatever he wants, and I have no choice but to accept it, because I can’t leave him. I can never leave him. We both know this.”

Lowering to the vanity bench, he bent forward, his elbows on his knees, his focus on the floor.

“And then you and I became friends,” I whispered, flashing a sorrowful smile, my lashes flicking the tears off. “And you made me feel strong and safe, and I figured, as long as you were around, I could handle my future with Milo.”

His head tipped, his sight roaming my face, his hair falling over his brows.

My chin quivered, my heart racing. “Then I fell in love with you.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“And now I hate myself.”

Shocked at my statement, his lids rounded, his mouth slightly parting.

“I’m a hypocrite. I am everything I always hated in women.” Sitting up straight, I motioned to my left and said, “I am so in love with Milo,” I rasped, fingering my engagement ring. “But if I could choose, right here, right now, I would rather be with you.”

His lids closed, his head bowing low again.

“That can never happen because it will get us both killed. I mean.” My spine stiffened and my voice took on a desperate shrill, my hands waving around frantically. “He killed that man in Florida just for touching me—”

“What?” he blasted, bolting upright.

I was nodding emphatically, getting hysterical. “At the club, a guy hit on me. He dragged me down a hallway to try to rape me.”

“What?” he screamed, bounding to his feet, his face turning bright red.

“And Milo…h-h-he just appears. Out of nowhere. And boom!” I cried, making the hand gesture of shooting a gun. “Puts a bullet in his head. And yet…I still can’t leave him, Wyatt! I can never leave Milo because I don’t want to die.”

Groaning and crossing the distance between us, he squatted in front of me, taking my shaking hands in his.

“I hate myself because when I’m with him, I still love him, but when I’m with you, I know I belong with you. Do I still love him because I have no choice, or do I love him because it’s real? I don’t know. I don’t have anything to compare it to.

“Except what I feel for you and oh my god,” I whispered, shaking my head. “It doesn’t compare.”

He started to smile but I shrugged his touch away.

“And now you’re screwing around with another woman, too, and I just feel icky. You were my beacon of light, my hope, my anchor. You made me feel sane, but it’s all a lie,” I chuckled sinisterly, fanning my hands out. “It’s all a lie because you’re fucking someone else.

“So, I’m engaged to a man I fear as much as I love who I cannot leave, and pining for a man I can never have who is cheating on me, but not really cheating, because we can’t be together and I am so confused, I hate myself, I’m sick of my own shit, and I—”

He grabbed my cheeks and gently yanked my head, stopping my rant. His gaze stern, his tone authoritative, he stated, “I am not cheating on you, Chazzy. There has been no one but you since the first time I touched you.”

My bottom lip puckered, tears welling. “Then who were you talking to last night?”

A long, deep breath pulled through his nose, a shadow crossing his blue eyes. “That was the woman who is pregnant and going to give me a son to take care of your kid one day.”

Chapter 27

Chastity Monroe

Gutted. An invisible fist punched me right in the stomach, sending me doubling over. The room turned sideways, and everything warped, like a funhouse effect. Wind rushed into my ears, my heart racing with an erratic rhythm. Trembling, my head shaking, I swatted him away, not even sure what I wanted to do.

Turning around, I crawled onto the mattress on my hands and knees, the tears dripping from my face. Going to the center, I plopped down on my side, my back to him, and rocked, hugging a pillow to my burning chest.

“No, no, no, no,” I whimpered, burying my face.

This wasn’t happening. I had heard them discussing this over the weeks, had even talked to Wyatt myself about it, but never thought it would actually happen.