Page 103 of Worth Risking It

“You were…by far…” I gulped again, having no idea how to handle the severity of the pain I was engulfed with. “The best thing that ever happened to me.”

Her features twisted again, another soul wrenching sob poisoning my blood.

“I will cherish our time together the rest of my life, Chazzy. You made me happier than I ever thought I could be.”

A hand slapped to her mouth as she gasped and choked on her ragged breaths.

“You and me, we don’t get to pick our lives, remember? It’s how we play our cards that matter. He’s going to be good to you, we both know this. He’s probably even going to cut off all the mistresses now. You finally get what you’ve always wanted.”

She shook her head adamantly, fresh tears spilling over her hand. “I don’t want that anymore,” she wept behind her fingers. “I want you now, you!”

Her statement was bittersweet, for there was nothing that could be done. There never was a solution. We had been fooling ourselves from the start.

Sniffing, I straightened my form and looked down at my son. With nothing else to say, I turned and headed for the doorway. Just before ascending the steps to my apartment, I gazed back at her, thinking of one last vow.

“You’ll always be mine, kitten. And…I will always…always be yours.”

She burst out weeping again, curling into herself, her wails shredding my heart into a million pieces. Coughing against my own emotions, I gradually climbed the stairs to the rest of my life of solitude. No more love, no more devotion, no more kitten. Just me and my boy, always watching, lurking, protecting.

How it always should have been.

“Wyatt!” she wailed, killing me all over again.

Clenching my lids and choking on the knot in my throat, I quietly closed the door to my apartment, silencing her sorrow.

But not mine. Mine was just beginning because now I had to start a life of watching that baby grow in her belly, seeing her and Milo so happy to be parents…watching her fall in love with him all over again when he finally became monogamous.

My kitten was going to get everything her heart desired, and that was all that mattered. She said she loved and wanted me now, but soon, when Milo at last became the man she’d always wanted, she would forget about our affair. The love she had for me would fade.

After all, had he just been faithful, she never even would have given in to my advances. The only reason she slept with me to begin with was because he was cheating.

When Milo cut off his affairs and devoted all his time to her and their baby, she would forget the chemistry we had, the bond, the connection.

And that was exactly how it should be. Jonas was right. Shaw’s weren’t meant for love. We were born to protect.

Kicking my shoes off, my feet leaded with grief, I went through my apartment to the bedroom and laid down, nestling my son while he finished off his bottle.

One day, Milo and Chastity would want a second child. There was no way I could give them a second guardian. When that day came, I would simply walk out the house one night while everyone was sleeping and vanish.

I would not, however, betray the woman I loved and vowed to be true to the rest of my life. I would be true to my kitten, long after she’d forgotten she ever had a Daddy.

Chapter 44

Chastity Pampinella

We chose the bedroom directly across the hallway from ours to be the nursery. One minute, I was lying in bed, numb and devastated from losing Wyatt, the next the house is abuzz with people Milo had hired to babyproof everything, fix this, clean that, sterilize and decorate.

He’d gone so overboard, even Wyatt and Richard were forced to temporarily move to the second floor because he wanted everything up there scrubbed and sanitized, as well.

That only made it harder. When he was a flight above, it was somehow easier to pretend he wasn’t in the same house. When he was in the next room with just a wall separating us, I spent most of the nights wide awake, staring at it, wondering what he was doing in there.

Just as easy as it was for us to pretend we weren’t lovers in front of others, we pretended like we weren’t heartbroken. We continued with our daily routines as we always had, only there were no stolen touches, pets, caresses, kisses, or quickies here and there.

Just silence. We dared not even look at one another for fear we would break down our resolve.

He was right, though. It is what it is. This life was picked for us, and we had to do what was necessary to survive. As much as I wanted to give up and just say to hell with it, there was a baby inside me that needed me to keep going and be strong. Quitting at this point would be selfish.

Also, just as Wyatt had predicted, Milo truly seemed to get rid of all his mistresses. If he kept any, I found it hard to believe for he was calling me constantly throughout the day and coming straight home to be with me. Whenever he had to go out of town, he dragged me with him. There simply was not enough time for him to be having affairs.