Page 18 of Worth Loving You

The dam broke and the waterworks poured. Jennifer blanched, having never seen me cry before.

“Oh, Lord, what happened?”

I pushed her away and ran to the entrance, unlocking it. Not caring about the mail, I swung open the glass door and ran up the stairs as fast as I could. By the time I had the living room door unlocked, my knees were giving out, my stomach cramping. Falling on the sofa, I dropped my bag to the floor, buried my face, and wept.

A few minutes later, Jennifer was creeping into the apartment, her expression one of astonishment. Easing to her knees, she petted my shoulder gently.

“Sugar?” she soothed, tilting her head. “What happened?”

Too hurt to be guarded, I blubbered out everything that happened today in a bunch of run on sentences. “I showed up, and he had this huge asshole guy there, and I set up in his room and I was doing the massage. He started doing that moaning again, I got carried away and I touched him and then…then next thing I know, I’m jacking him off and he’s fingering me.”

She shrieked and slapped her hands to her mouth. “You can’t do that!”

“I know, I know!” I whined, rolling to my back to drape my arm over my face. “If the spa finds out, I’m so fired! But it felt so good, Jennifer.”

“Oh, right, right. That the first time for you, huh?”

I flipped to my side, my back to her. “Oh my god, it was awful.”

“Awful? How was that possible? You just said it felt good.”

Gradually laying on my back, I peeked at her. “Because he offered me two thousand dollars a week to see him every Saturday and do it again.”

Her gaping mouth clamped, and her lashes batted, her brows arched. Tipping her head, she tapped her chin, raking her sight over me. “Huh.”

“What?”

“Nothin’. I just…am curious now, is all.”

“About what?”

Her eyes glossing, she gazed at me and said, “I mean, if you’re that dang good, I kinda wanna—”

“Oh, would you stop,” I cried, slapping at her. I swung my legs and sat up, putting my elbows on my knees to rub my temples.

“I was just teasin’,” she giggled, nudging my leg.

“He told me he would give me until tomorrow to make a decision.”

“What are you gonna do? You gonna accept it?”

“Would you?”

“He good lookin’?”

“Gorgeous,” I whispered, dropping a hand to look at her.

“Spendin’ every Saturday with a filthy rich, gorgeous man, get sexually satisfied, and get two thousand bucks a week. Hm. What would I do? Where do I sign up?”

“I just…” I lowered my sight, picking at the knee of my pants. “Thought if I ever did sleep with a man, it’d be someone I loved, you know?”

For a second time tonight, I was stunning her. “I didn’t know you thought about stuff like love.”

Flinging myself to the back of the cushions, I threw my hands up and slapped my thighs. “So, I care. I do, I just…no one ever cared, so why should I?” I grumbled, admitting my insecurities for the first time aloud.

She crawled to the cushion beside me, sliding her arm under mine to hug herself to it, her cheek on my shoulder. “You really don’t give yourself enough credit, Chazz. When you look in the mirror, all you see is weight.”

“And you don’t?”