Page 91 of Carousel

Then, he stands. Turns away from me.

I stare at his back. The fabric is thinner and tighter fighting. Along with the hunched way he’s standing, it means I can see the outlines of his sinewy muscles, but also his protruding shoulder blades.

Eventually, he asks, in a broken voice, “Who told you?”

“Riss.”

He curses, raking a hand through his hair.

I say, “Don’t hate her. She didn’t realise the girl was me.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he says. “She had no right.” Exhaling, he heads for the door. “Riss will be here any minute. Wait there.”

I jump to my feet.

“Are we not going to talk about this?”

“I need to pick up Drake. Get him cleaned up. And then it’s the morale booster. So, no.”

“Cosmer.”

He stops.

But he doesn’t turn.

“Why would you do that to yourself? For me?”

He casts a glance over his shoulder at me. His mouth parts, like he’s about to say something.

He closes it.

“Honestly,” he says at last, “Right now, I have no idea.”

He swings on the handle of the door – it opens out onto Riss, who had been about to enter. She has one hand outstretched, while the other is clasping a long piece of white fabric.

“Oh,” she says, furrowed, “Cosmer⁠—”

He pushes past her wordlessly, and is gone.

“What was that about?” she asks, sinking down onto his bed.

I don’t answer her. I don’t have the words to.

Looking at her properly, I see she’s in a simple red frock, which is tight around her lean, athletic frame and striking set against her light skin.

“I brought you this,” she says, lifting the fabric she was holding. “It’s big on me, so should fit you well.”

And I realise where this is going.

“I’m not going to the morale booster,” I state, level.

“Everyone goes. The first officers, too. They’ll wonder where you are. Plus, attending social functions is part of Integration. Comes under ‘Culture’, like the Captain’s Dinner.”

“Part of Integration is also torture, apparently. And, funnily enough, I don’t like the sound of that either.”

“You don’t know for certain they’ll torture you. It’s different for everyone.”

“That’s hardly the point!”