Page 176 of Carousel

“Yes,” I say. “I’ve only just started being able to, though. And the magic isn’t stable. Drake wants to get the magic stronger, which...” I try to think back to the conversation he had with Meg. “It might be possible. If we grew our connection.”

“Grew your connection? What does that mean?”

“I’m not sure.” My mouth dry, I say, “But honestly, I really don’t want him near my magic at all.”

“So, don’t let him. Get near it.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple. It’s like I’m fighting him, every time I speak to him. And right now, I’m winning. But…”

A Rhavnan saying comes to me, usually spoken about accepting destinies. Given time, the water will always cut the cliff.

She eyes me suspiciously. “You did tell Cosmer, didn’t you? About all of this?”

“He knows some of it.” I put my hands on her shoulders. “And I meant what I told you. I love him. And he feels the same for me. It’s why he’s in the brig. He was trying to protect me.”

She shrugs me off, eyes shifting from mine. “I don’t know. It all seemed to happen very quickly. I mean, I’m happy. And Cosmer must have been happy. But…”

I understand. “I would never hurt him.”

“This is serious, Ara. He’ll be executed if he’s found guilty at his trial.” She crosses her arms. “And one of his charges is IR – Inappropriate Relationship. They’ll execute you, too. You wouldn’t even get a trial.”

“I know,” I assure her. “And I’m going to come up with a way to help him.”

She scratches her nose. “I just don’t get this at all. Why put Drake’s blood in you? Wouldn’t that weaken him?”

“I think it did. It’s why he needs me now.”

She leans up to me. “If everything you’re saying is true, then I think you’re right to be wary of him. The only reason you’d want to weaken something powerful, is if…”

I finish off her trail of thought – because it’s exactly what I was thinking, too. “You were scared of it.”

It takes power to make myself stop walking when we reach Meg and Drake, just beyond the entrance to the baths. Because all of me wants to keep going, right to the hidden door in the furthest wall – the door that would lead me to Cosmer again.

“Be strong,” Riss says to me, patting my shoulder. And I know what she means.

“We don’t have to sit with each other,” Drake says, once Riss and Meg have left.

I sigh, trying to look anywhere but at him. “I think we have to. Dezeeves called it a test.”

And as much as I hate it, I need Drake on my side, still. I might need his magic for my plan for Cosmer’s trial. And I do need to pass these final tests. It’s what my mother wants. And if I’m FI’d, I can actually be with Cosmer when I do save him.

The baths are filling up with people and steam, and a fully dressed soldier has moved to stand across from us. Of course Dezeeves wouldn’t have left us completely unattended.

“Come on,” I say, indicating a smaller tub on the outskirts of the masses.

His voice, when he speaks again, is soft. “I don’t mind failing this test, Ara.”

“Why? We’re so close to Integration. We don’t have to keep living with it over our heads.”

“Things are different,” he states. “Today’s corrective instruction⁠—”

“You were right,” I’m assuming I know what he’s about to say. “It’s a sham.”

“Converting us is a sham. But what he was trying to do earlier was something else.”

“Tell me in the bath. I’m not missing my chance for one.”

Turning my back on him, I slip out of my clothes as quickly as possible, then climb up the rungs of the tub. But for all the confidence I had felt getting in, now I can feel myself bracing, and my heart is jolting. The tub is small, smaller than I’d first thought – a radius only extending out a couple of metres at its widest. I’m going to be so close to Drake.