Page 475 of Axis of Fire

Every single time I'd dragged myself through another impossible challenge—

exhausted...

frustrated...

nearly broken—

I'd promised myself the same thing.

Next time I'll choose the easy road.

Next time.

I swallowed and looked back down at the map.

If I chose the easier path...

would I think of myself as a coward?

But if I chose the harder one...

would I be betraying what I actually wanted?

Silence settled inside me.

Then a realization hit me so hard it stole the air from my lungs.

All my life...

I'd been trying to earn the right to be happy...

through suffering.

"Damn it..."

The curse slipped from my lips before I even realized I'd spoken.

Maybe...

that was why I'd fallen for Airis.

Maybe it hadn't been his rare moments of softness.

Or the way he looked after me.

Or even the strength that made me feel safe.

Maybe...

I'd fallen for him because loving him was difficult.

Because building something real with him had always seemed almost impossible.

And I had never known how to walk away from a battle...

even when I already knew I wasn't the one who was going to win.

Damn it.