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Yes.

Yes.

Those are the words I barely manage to keep myself from crying out every time I obey his command, and I’m coming with him and for him like he asks.

My love.

Because…that’s what he is.

The man I love.

I just haven’t told him yet.

* * *

My husband is an insatiably passionate man.

But I didn’t know that at the start, of course.

Actually, I didn’t know anything about men, period. I’ve never even gone out on a date before I met him, much less kissed one. My first kiss was the almost-tender brush of his lips against mine when an official married us in haste. Everything I know about a man, I learned through him, from him, and…for him. But that’s another story. My point is, all the knowledge I have of lovemaking is from Ruel, and that’s why…

I have no idea if this is normal.

This being how often Ruel reaches for me throughout the day.

This being how hungry Ruel seems for me, and how irresistible he makes me feel.

This being what makes me feel it’s so very possible that he’s in love with me, too.

I really want to believe that.

Especially since this also includes my husband not letting go even as the pleasure gradually fades, and I end up falling asleep in his arms.

So tell me.

Is this enough for me to think there’s a chance for our marriage to be real?

My heart wants to say yes.

My body wants the same thing.

But my mind, though…

My mind refuses to be swayed by emotions and sensations.

My mind wants me protected, not just pleasured, and that’s why…

* * *

I wake up the next day with the other side of the bed empty.

Sometimes, Ruel would let me know in advance if he has to leave for a job. Other times, when bad things happen in the middle of the night, I’d only know he’s gone when I wake up, and he’s not next to me.

I think it was on our third or fourth month together that I mustered the courage to ask him about what he does for a living. He was obviously a man of means, since he owned—not chartered, mind you, but owned—a jet and a yacht, among other things we never talk about because he’s not that kind of man.

It’s just obvious, when a man’s so wealthy that they don’t even have to talk about it.

But what I really couldn’t tell at all was his job, and when I asked him about it, honestly—I was terrified he’d get mad. I’ve never seen him mad; I just know instinctively it’s not what I’d want to see. But when he did answer me, he was the opposite. Not happy, but more like…clinical. Like he’s completely detached himself as he told me about how his father was this mob boss who hurt a lot of people, and when his father died, Ruel inherited a small fortune.