Page 114 of The Cheerleader

“I know there’s more to this story, Bryan. Tell me.” She’s almost pleading.

My heart thuds, and it has nothing to do with her hips pressing into my dick. I swallow down the fear that revealing myself makes me feel, the vulnerability that I swore I would never allow, and I nod.

“It’s what I promised to do. It would be the life I dreamed of coming true, the impossible becoming a reality.” I pull her to my chest and hold her, needing the flimsy protection of not letting her look in my eyes. As if that’ll stop her from seeing me.

“But it’s someone else’s life, never meant to be mine. The one that feels like an affirmation of my deepest secrets and a betrayal to my soul at the same time.”

She loosens my grip and steps back from me. “Why is it so hard to have your dream?”

I take a shuddering breath and pull her close, but she keeps her eyes on mine, waiting.

“Because I’m a farmer. I love the farm—or I used to. It’s been in the family for four generations. But we’ve been selling it off piece by piece until now. I could make it work. I know I could.” I close my eyes for a beat. “My mother and Wally are depending on me.”

“What about your father?”

I laugh. “He’s the reason for everything. He’s the reason… never mind.” I shake my head, unable to say anymore, unable to let the words form in my head. Caleb’s gone either way. And either way, I owe him. I promised him.

She goes on her toes and kisses me, and as if she’s blowing fairy dust, the specter of Caleb and my father and the farm all disappear.

The jiggling of the doorknob behind me ends the kiss. Stepping back, I pull Susie behind me and open the door, prepared to tell the story about looking for the room with the Farmers of America meeting.

The woman’s eyes pop, and whoever she is, she recognizes me. “Bryan Granger? I had no idea you’d be⁠—”

“In the wrong place.” I try a smile.

Susie steps around me and takes control. “We’re so sorry. We’ll get out of your way now.”

We exchange places with the woman and head back down the hall to the exit, Susie holding my hand tight.

We’re silent until we get outside, and Susie turns to me, her face earnest, her eyes searching. “Thank you for telling me what’s troubling you, Bryan. I had no idea things were so complicated.” She stands in front of me staring, and I’m acutely aware of the other students coming and going and being across the street from the field house. I don’t want anyone else to recognize me, to have to deal with talking with anyone else right now.

“Your welcome doesn’t seem like an appropriate response.”

She laughs, dispelling the tension I created by spilling my guts.

“You can talk to me any time⁠—”

“No. I can’t. I think that was… enough.” I quirk my mouth. “I wouldn’t want you thinking I need a shrink or something.”

“Strangely, I think you’re just fine.” She grins. “You take your life decisions seriously; you understand the consequences and that nothing is that simple, not even your dreams coming true.”

My brows go up all on their own, and I smirk. “Now that you mention it, I guess I’m a very mature adult.”

She rolls her eyes, grinning. “Back to being arrogant? Seriously, whatever happens, I know you’ll be okay. Better than okay.”

I wish I could have her, my own personal cheerleader, around for the foreseeable future; then she’d be right. But there’s no way I’m going down that path, to another useless pipedream.

Chapter Thirty

Susie

The field house basketball court is crowded with students running around the track and a few shooting baskets, but Liz claims a section of the court where we gather for cheering practice, officially starting the basketball season.

“Listen up,” Liz shouts. It’s loud in here. I can already tell cheering for basketball is going to be different. “For those of you who are new, cheering for basketball will be completely different than football. It’s more rigorous, and we’re closer and more visible to the fans. We may even be on TV sometimes, so we need to be perfect.”

“We do more dancing, to the pep band instead of the marching band, and we stand or sit courtside, close to the action.” She grins. “It’s a very exciting atmosphere. We’ll wear our white tops under our vests, so make sure you have a couple because we have two games a week from now until March. If we’re lucky, we’ll get invited to the NIT—National Invitational Tournament in Madison Square Garden—like last season.”

“How many practices?” Sherry asks.