Page 58 of The Big Puck

He shakes his head like a dog shaking off water. “No. We’re not. We shouldn’t be. It’s not necessary.” He softens when he looks at me, probably because I feel that like a spear through my soul. “It’s nothing personal, Lainey. You’re…terrific. It’s just the way it has to be.”

“Terrific? How do you figure?”

“What?”

I’ve got him. All I need to do now is make him explain why he thinks I’m terrific—what a horrible word choice. I wish he’d said wonderful, or captivating, or even nice. Terrific makes me sound like a kitchen appliance.

“You know what I mean,” he says. Then he glances at the kitchen clock. “I have to go. Nothing’s changed, Lainey. You’re still a terrific nanny…” He trails off and hesitates, like he’s going to say more, but he doesn’t. He heads for the door.

I don’t try and stop him this time because I do know what he means—and it’s not that I’m a terrific nanny. It’s that he’s afraid of me.

“I’ll text you updates. Good luck with the games, Spence.”

He turns as he’s going out the door, and I can swear I see the slightest shadow of a smile. Or it could have been relief.

* * *

We have a truce in the tension between us for the next week while the team finishes their pre-season games on the road, and I send business-like texts to him to keep him updated on Krissy.

It’s not exactly a cold war. Our war is chilly—mostly on his side—okay, all on his side. There are no shots taken or, at least, no casualties. And by shots, I mean no touching.

What he doesn’t realize is that the war isn’t over, and I’m biding my time because I know what he has burning in his belly, simmering under the surface—it’s the same thing I have.

A giant seething cauldron of needy lust. Okay, maybe more than just lust, at least on my part, but Spence keeps his emotions so bottled up that it’s harder to tell. I’m betting his lust is attached to emotions though, or else he wouldn’t bother working so hard at bottling them, right?

Or else he wouldn’t have bothered ending things with Shonda and wouldn’t have felt so guilty about kissing her in front of me. My heart flutters every time I remember the look on his face when he saw me after that kiss. My fingers move faster as I type my text to him.

Me: You and Krissy have a doctor appointment with her pediatrician for tomorrow when you get home

Spence: I can’t make it

No explanation about why, so I assume it's hockey-related because that goes without saying in Spence-speak.

Me: I’ll re-schedule it for day after 2morrow

Spence: Ok

He doesn’t argue or ask me to go without him, thank goodness. But I wonder if I’ll be going with him because I really, really want to. And not just because I care about Krissy. No sense lying to myself. I’m starved for his company.

Or maybe I just need to get a life.

I send him a pic of me and Krissy. I’ve taken to including myself in the photos I’m sending and make a point to wear all my prettiest dresses. Today, I’m wearing a strapless red floral sundress with a low-cut sweetheart neck that would get an eyeball popping emoji from anyone else. Spence sticks to his usual non-response—though I do see a few dot bubbles. Which makes me smile.

He has a game tonight, and I hope to all that is holy that they win, even though it’s still only pre-season because both Spence and my brother will not be in a good mood otherwise.

When I bring Krissy to visit Aunt Hildie, I tell her, “I think I need to expand my horizons. I need to get out and meet people.”

“I think you’re right, dear. Meet some young man and let him take you out to get Spencer’s jealousy juices going. Excellent strategy.” She’s holding Krissy and looking strong as she lets the baby play with her large beaded bracelet.

I laugh. “I wasn’t exactly thinking about that. I was thinking maybe a book club or cooking club or something.”

“What about that nice girl Tina you mentioned?”

“You’re right.” I’m hesitant to get friendly with Tina because of her father, and him being a definite villain in my mind. Though it’s hardly fair of me to hold her father against her. I shouldn’t.

Pulling out my phone, I text her now.

Me: You want to come over and watch the game with me tonight?