Page 47 of The Big Puck

Since when did that happen? I’ve never done anything like that before. But then I haven’t exactly thought of Shonda as my girlfriend lately.

Which doesn’t explain why I had the stupid audacity, the complete lack of any brains, to kiss Lainey Hall, the one woman on the planet who I should most avoid as if she’s the Medusa.

“I have some things to do,” Lainey says, and she’s about to rush back to the kitchen when I stop her.

“Take Krissy. Please.” I think that’s the first time I ever said please to her. Shit. It feels too much like I’m begging for forgiveness—not that I shouldn’t—but this isn’t the time.

“Sure.” She takes Krissy back after I kiss the baby’s head, and this time, there’s no brushing of hands because the transfer is quick and efficient.

“The baby is a doll, and you’re adorable with her,” Shonda says after Lainey leaves. I don’t like the look in her eyes because I know she has no trace of maternal aspirations in her. She’s too focused on her career. Like I am.

I nod. “Do you want to freshen up?”

“Yes. Perfect. Show me to our room.”

Her words slam into my gut because thinking of my room as our room doesn’t settle well.

I lead Shonda upstairs and stand awkwardly when I get to my bedroom door. I briefly consider giving her the guest room, making up some excuse about the baby waking up at night. But she knows my room when she sees it and walks past me inside, dropping her purse on a chair and sitting in the middle of the bed.

“How about if you go down and get my bags, and I’ll get out of these clothes by the time you get back?” She gives me one of those smiles that I remember finding sexy as hell. Now? Nothing. Not a thing—unless you count panic.

“Not now, Shonda. Not with the baby awake and…” I wave a hand toward the stairway.

She nods. “I suppose that would be awkward if the nanny heard us, wouldn’t it? I hope we’ll have some privacy later.”

I nod, and then disappear downstairs to get her bags because I have no idea what I’m going to do about later. Guilt has me by the testicles in a choke-hold and the last thing I feel like is having sex with Shonda after that kiss with Lainey—especially not when she’s in the same house.

* * *

We go to dinner, and after a couple of glasses of wine and Shonda making her best efforts to listen to every word I tell her about the team, I feel better about us. One errant kiss with Lainey shouldn’t matter to my relationship with Shonda, should it?

Maybe I should tell her—not that it was Lainey—but that I kissed someone, but we don’t have a relationship. By the time we finish everything but the wine, I pour the last of the second bottle, and we linger.

“You’re so excited about this hockey team, honey, I hope you have enough excitement left for me.” She lifts her wine glass and twirls the liquid, staring into my eyes and leaning forward so I get an eye-full of the swell of her ample breasts. Shonda is very well-built and would never be mistaken for a minute as waif-like.

“I think I might.” My heart thuds, and I feel sweat pop out on my forehead like I’m about to confess murder to a judge. “First, let’s talk about us.”

“Good idea. And here, I thought I was going to have to force that conversation on you.”

I shake my head. “I know we left things up in the air about us, and I wouldn’t blame you if you’ve… thought of seeing someone else…”

“No,” she laughs. “You know me. I don’t have time to shop around.” She squints her eyes at me. “What’s this about? Have you—”

“No. Not exactly. I’m not seeing anyone else.” I clear my throat as if that’ll get the taste of guilt out of my mouth—more guilt about Lainey than Shonda, which is sick. “I kissed someone, but it was a fleeting thing. Not the start of something.”

She sits up straight. “A fleeting kiss?” She’s surprised. “Nothing more?” She arches her brow, her voice dripping skepticism.

“Nothing more, I swear to God. I… I guess I’ve been missing you. Gone without for too long.”

Her face softens, and she smiles. It’s a pretty smile, lowkey and undemanding. Nothing like Lainey’s take-no-prisoners-take-you-by-the-throat-and-make-you-feel-something smile.

“That’s so sweet, honey. I’m glad you told me.” She flutters her eyelids. “Maybe we should finish up and get home then.”

I have no idea if telling Shonda was the right thing to do, or if l should have let her believe that I missed her, when what I missed was sex. Maybe it’s the same thing because we have a lot of sex, good sex, between us. Maybe the main thing between us was sex.

But now, as we drive home, my dick is lukewarm to the idea at best. Shit.

* * *