Page 44 of Your Kiss Is On My List

The meal winds down with spumoni ice cream for desert, something I’ve never had, but I guess it’s an old-school Italian thing and it’s good. Maria puts the boys to bed and we’re alone with Dad. He’s looking between me and Trey and my heart kicks up because he’s looking speculative and I hope he doesn’t get weird on me, tell me I’m too young to be serious or worse, ask me if I’m on the pill or something. Which I’m not. Shoot. I hope that’s not going to be a problem. Frack!

“So, you two.” He points between us. “You go good together and I can’t say I’m displeased that you’re a couple.” Trey nods and grins, putting an arm around me, hamming it up for my Dad, but I lean into it because I’m becoming addicted to the solid feel of his body.

“That means a lot to us, sir,” Trey says in that perfect boyfriend you bring home to Dad way he has. Of course. Dad clears his throat. Oh no—here it comes.

“Dani tells me you’re serious.” He pauses for confirmation and Trey gives a slight nod but keeps his mouth shut. I couldn’t talk if you put a gun to my head because I feel guilty about lying about such a big deal and confused about whether it was really a lie—maybe it was wishful thinking. Fake it til you make it?

“While I think you are an upstanding young man, I’m a little concerned that Dani is still so young and you’re ready to take off in your career in the next few months. I’d hate to see—”

“Sir—Walter—there’s really no need to worry.”

“Dad, don’t you think you’re skipping a few steps on the fatherhood ladder here? I haven’t seen you in how many years?” The resentment flares up because he’s cutting too close to the bone of my fears. He shuts up, but it costs me because the guilty shame and hurt telegraph from him, ruining our perfect dinner reunion and sprouting answering shame from me.

“Sorry,” he says at the same time I do. I laugh and he shakes his head.

“No—you’re right. I’m sure your mother has already lectured you and… I’m sure between the two of you, you’re smarter on the subject of relationships than I ever was at your age. I have no right to do anything but trust you and support you.” He nods and puts his hand over mine. “I want you to know, no matter what, from now and forever, you have my absolute support and love, Dani.” He draws a breath while my heart butterflies in my gut. “Baby doll.”

Trey flinches and turns to me. Nerves flood my system, destroying my poise. I lean into Trey and put my hand on his arm, begging him to understand, to not judge me as the pathetic needy girl it seems I am underneath the façade of poised confidence. Shoot. Trey clears his throat and Dad pushes back from the table.

“Thank you, Dad,” I say, meaning it, letting his words sink in past the nerves and awkwardness.

“Well, I guess that’s enough sappy reunion talk. You two must be exhausted.” He makes a show of looking at his watch and stands. “I’ll show you to your room so you can…” he trails off and if I thought him calling me baby doll, the pet name I divided up for me and Trey, was awkward then this is monumentally embarrassing.

“You’re right, sir—Walter. I’m exhausted after the game and driving down.” Trey saves the day, standing and taking my hand so I stand with him. Dad gives him an approving and grateful smile and I want to jump his bones all the more which is insane because we’re in my dad’s house for fuck’s sake. If I thought I had nerves on the drive down here, they’re baby chicks compared to the raptor sized nerves erupting inside me as we follow dad up the stairs. Trey carries our bags and we go up two flights of stairs.

Dad opens the bedroom we’ll be sharing on the third floor, a converted attic room with a full bath and says no one will bother us up here until we’re good and ready to get up in the morning. Tomorrow we’ll have Sunday dinner, watch a Boston Brawlers hockey game and enjoy getting to know each other better. Then he says goodnight and leaves us behind the closed door.

“So this is it,” I say inanely, spreading my arms, letting my nerves win out. I hiccup with anticipation as I watch Trey put the bags on a chair. “I guess we should have that talk now—the one you promised.” I glance at his crotch and he catches me. There’s a bulge there, larger than life, except it’s very real and I have a moment of concern about it. My worries of inadequacy must show on my face because he frowns, his lush mouth flattening to a line of nothing good.

“Give me a pillow. I’ll sleep on the floor,” he says, surprising me. Disappointing me.

“You’re not sleeping on the floor. We can share a bed, Trey. I won’t bite. I promise.” He snorts.

“Too bad I can’t make the same promise,” he says, looking me straight in the eye, taking my breath away.

He paces around the room, shoves a hand through his hair and my tummy somersaults like a champion gymnast. I don’t remember ever being this nervous, not even that time he kissed me when we were teenagers.

Technically, I’m still a teenager at nineteen, but I feel more like an old woman inside, which is funny since everyone treats me like a naïve girl.

Everyone except Trey. He gets me. I jump off the bed and stand in his pacing path. He almost bumps into me and grabs my arms to prevent knocking me back. We stare at each other, one of those sizzling stares like you see in old movies where the screen practically goes up in flames.

“It’ll be fine,” I whisper. I’m not sure how I know, but I’m certain. “Whatever happens between us is meant to be.” My words are a shocking invitation, shaking me to my core and that’s before I read the look on his face. Part hungry animal, and part disbelieving.

“What are you saying Dani?” His words slide over my mind like the stubble of his beard over my skin. “I thought we were going to talk?”

“You know what I’m saying. No more talking needed.” I step closer, our chests almost touching, taking me within the orbit of his heady male scent, his heat, his coiled powerful energy. There’s no way to stop the magnetic pull of his strength as my hands go to the broad expanse of his chest covered in a thin white t-shirt stretched to its limit over the most perfect bunched muscles I’ve ever known. They cover his big strong heart and as I press my palms against his chest, I feel the hard, rapid beating there, matching mine.

“Dani.” His soft raspy voice sends a shiver through me, causing a quake all the way to my center, causing a panic of thoughts bouncing around my head. Not the kind of panic that will make me stop or turn away no matter how much my sense of reason bangs on the doors of my heart. Because it’s too late.

He came with me to see my long-lost father. Trey is everything to me and no matter how successful I am, no matter if I get my dad back, no matter if I become rich and successful like my mom always wanted me to be, it would all mean nothing without Trey in my life.

And I know with a deep sense of dread and euphoric anticipation that there’s only one way I want him. It’s not only as a friend. I want him as my lover, need him for my lover because he’s the love of my life and I can’t change it with any amount of determination.

The problem is that I’m not sure he feels the same way, if he’s willing to take the risk and that makes me feel like I’m about to jump off a bottomless cliff right now, without knowing if he’ll come with me, save me, hold me all the way down for the ride of a lifetime. Because that’s what I’m asking and it’s too much, so much. And so necessary.

He gently pulls me into his arms up against that rock-solid body of his and the warmth envelops me, the tenderness of his hands running up and down my back comforts me and at the same time arouse me. His eyes watch me, all his attention, all his caring so clear in their blue intensity.

“You may not want to talk, but there may be some things that need to be said… because you’re new to this.” He’s trying hard not to embarrass me and his consideration melts me, melts away the nerves.