Page 59 of I Want to Know What Love Is

“Whatever you say, Emily.”

We get on with the lesson and she’s smart, but I already know what I’m doing so it’s hard to keep my polite and interested face in place when I need to get out of here. I yawn after thirty minutes and not on purpose because the last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings or be rude. She’s been nice and decent and deserves better.

“Sorry about that. It’s not you. Early morning today.”

“No problem. I think you get this stuff anyway.” She licks her lips and shuts down her tablet. I take mine from the desk and slide it into my backpack, but before I have a chance to stand and thank her, she leans into me. Fuck.

“So tell me, Dylan, how was your shoot today? You must be used to TV cameras by now, though, right?”

“Right. I am, but the shoot was different because we had line. Not too many though, lucky for me.” I chuckle and shift away from her. “You’re used to cameras yourself, aren’t you? You’re a big star on the team.” She beams. “I bet you have all kinds of guys lined up—”

“How about you, Dylan? You want to get in my line? I’d welcome you with open arms.”

And there it is. The exact thing I did not want to happen. Shit. I have no choice but to reject her, but I need to be honest.

“I’m flattered, Emily. You now I would, but the thing is… I’m into someone else.” It’s as honest as I can be without giving up my secrets.

“You are? I’ve never seen you with anyone. You have a girlfriend?” She sounds more than skeptical, like someone who’s asked around and was told I’m single. Damn it. As far as my friends know, I am single. Because I really am fucking single.

“Not exactly. It’s complicated.” I take a breath. “You want to know the truth? I’m into someone but she’s not my girlfriend and it’s damn frustrating.” I run my fingers though my hair.

Too bad it’s true. I’m really into Amanda, but she’s so far from being my fucking girlfriend she may as well be the Queen of Sheba—or some such fictional character.

“I’m sorry,” Emily says. “Let me know if—or when—you get over that.”

I nod as I stand and we both know it’s time to leave.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Amanda

I should feel guilty about setting up Dylan to work with Emily. Ditching my responsibilities isn’t my style. And not facing my relationship demons doesn’t sit well with me either. I’m not handling this thing I have with Dylan very well. All I know is we can’t have a thing.

And I worry that that ship has sailed. Now I have my conscience to deal with and I need to dredge up the real will to banish him from my life and thoughts.

Of course our recent encounter has made it more difficult, not less. Because I saw the hurt in his eyes, felt the pull of him as a man more my equal than so many men older than him I’ve met in my life. He’s certainly a better man than Gary Ludwick.

Outside the chill air and gray skies match my mood as I walk from the faculty dining building toward the field house. The trip takes me by the practice football field and there’s no use keeping my eyes from wandering to the team and zeroing in on the huddle of quarterbacks and QB coach looking like they’re talking something over.

As I near the fence and walkway to the back door of the building I’m close enough to hear the shouts and grunts and Coach Ryan catches my eye. He breaks from his huddle, blowing his whistle and walks toward the door where I’m headed to meet me. Shit. This isn’t what I intended. It’s bad enough we’re going to the Homecoming ball together tomorrow night. We both agreed it wasn’t a date, but I have a feeling I’m more sincere than he is about the non-date status. I only agreed to go because he didn’t want to go alone and… we both needed a friend if I’m honest. Not that I have any plans to confide all my troubles in him. I have my sister for that. And Coach Ryan—Kevin has me.

When he picks me up like we’re on a real date, I already feel uncomfortable. We arrive at the Harley Center Hall where St. Paul U holds the Homecoming Ball and as he escorts me inside, my discomfort deepens. He holds a possessive hand on my back and it feels all wrong. Shelby sees us and comes over.

“Hey Coach Ryan, you’ve moved up in the world with Coach Lake on your arm.”

Kevin, puffs up like a cartoon rooster and I want to sink through the floor. My pulse picks up because wherever Shelby is Dylan is usually not far and I want desperately to avoid him. But I want even more desperately to see him. Coach gets me a drink and leads me to a table. I take a large sip of the wine, not caring what kind it is because I need to relax.

“There’s Dylan. He’s here with a young lady.” He smiles and waves to him.

“Her name is Heather,” I say, but I don’t look. I take another healthy sip of wine.

“Glad to see Jones has his attention back on a more appropriate young lady. I was worried there he had an incurable crush on you.”

“Is that right? I didn’t notice.” The wine helps. He laughs.

“Why would you? All the guys on campus have been crushing on you since you got here.”

“If you say so. Must be why I didn’t notice Jonesy.”