Page 29 of I Want to Know What Love Is

Cue the melting of my heart because he’s uttered the most beautiful words I’ve ever had aimed at me and the thing is, I believe him. I shouldn’t, I tell myself he’s a player, right? He’s a football hunk so he must be. But I do believe him.

“Thank you for …” I have no idea what’s going to come out of my mouth because I’m going on pure instinct now.

“For?” he says.

“For not making a big deal out of seeing my naked breasts.” The words electrify the small space between us and I watch him gulp, the bob of that Adam’s apple making me shiver. I see him back away slightly, but I don’t grasp at him to stay put though I want to. We stare at each other. I have no idea what I’m doing now except existing in this small space in this small moment.

“I’m going to dream about your breasts,” he rasps. My pussy swells up and I don’t tell him I’m going to dream about him dreaming about my breasts, about the look on his face right now, the intense desire, and something more, something ardent and real and edible.

All I hear now is my breathing and his. He leans closer until his nose touches mine and his lips are a whisper away. My breath hitches and my nerves buzz like I’m on fire. But I don’t move, I don’t back away. And I don’t move forward. I’m paralyzed by the moment and all the delicious and devastating possibilities.

“Amanda.” He breathes my name into my mouth and then presses his lips against mine. They’re hot and full and soft and hard and I feel all the energy in his kiss rush through me, electrify me, make me forget who I am. And before I can kiss back and hold onto him, it’s over.

He backs away and cool air rushes into the space where he was. He clears his throat and I look up at him.

“Dylan.” I don’t have any idea what to say, how to react or feel except confused with overpowering desire and horror fighting to a stand-still.

“I’m sorry. I—”

“Don’t say another word.” Don’t spoil it. “Forget it.” I know I won’t.

“Pretend it never happened?” He sounds sad, same as I feel as I nod my head.

Then I step on the gas like I’m escaping the scene of a crime, and this time I don’t stop until I get home to my rental house and my dog Paul. When I’m inside and collapsed on my bed, the excruciating memory of every detail of his forbidden kiss comes crashing down on me.

Chapter Thirteen

Dylan

Shit. Fuck. Fucking shit. I trot to my car, jump in, and slam the door. I want to shout to the moon because that kiss was fucking phenomenal but it was such a small taste, like getting to the one-yard line. And fuck me because that was the stupidest, most self-destructive thing I’ve ever done. I’m not in the habit of doing destructive things and I have no idea who I am right now. Except I’m out of control. And I don’t care.

But I really do care. Fuck me.

No way can there ever be a repeat of that shit. But then, what are the chances I’ll get an eyeful of the most magnificent breasts I’ve ever seen in real life ever again? I can’t blame my impulse, my complete lack of good judgment on a quick look at her tits because I’m not a horny adolescent.

No. I’m a horny twenty-one-year-old who knows better and who ought to have the self-control and self-discipline and good sense to not kiss my tutor, a fucking coach on the staff of the fucking school. Where I’m a fucking fucked student.

Where I’m on the fucking football team with a shot at the NFL, with way too much to lose. Where I can’t afford to slip, not even a millimeter.

I punch the ignition to life and drive Shelby’s Jeep back to BMOC House and my reality. My heart thunders like a locomotive as I replay the kiss, alternately euphoric and horrified at myself. What in god’s name was I thinking?

Not a damn thing. I let go of my discipline and let my stupid dick take over and now I’m going to pay. Am I turning into a copy of my dad? Behaving irresponsibly and going wherever my dick takes me? Because I know he fooled around on my mom, that he had no self-discipline where his dick was concerned, no care about the rules or whether he ruined the future. Shit.

The dual streams of pleasure and dread pound through me until I reach the driveway. I can’t turn off the pure emotional high of kissing Amanda. And I can’t shut down the fear of becoming an irresponsible dickhead like my dad.

When I shut down the car I take a few deep breaths to get myself back to normal because there’s no way I can walk inside in this state. Shelby’ll know something’s up immediately. Trey will see it too. Hell, even Jasper will sense blood in the water because I’m so torn up and agitated.

After I get out and lean against the door, breathing in the cool pine scent for a while, I calm. She said to forget it and that’s what I ought to do. There won’t be any trouble if I put the misstep out of my head and never repeat it. She’s doesn’t want to talk about it because she’s mortified too. Because she damn well wanted it every ounce as much as I did, but she regrets it a whole hell of a lot now.

The strain across my shoulders releases and the pressure in my chest loosens. I will not let it happen again. It’s done. The hand I push through my hair hardly shakes at all. Fuck. My relief at dodging a fatal bullet is like a game ending in a tie. The most unsatisfying feeling in the world.

To avoid trouble means I have to avoid her. It means nothing like that that will happen again between us. That brief kiss was the first and last taste I’ll get of Amanda, the woman. From now on she’s Coach. Period and end of story.

Fuck. I hate stories with ambivalent endings where the guy doesn’t get the girl.

I finally pull myself from the endless loop of impossibility. Focus on the here and now. I head to the front door and quietly let myself inside. The place is still and soundless because everyone’s studying or sleeping after the first day of classes and practice. Even the hockey players are low key as I walk through the main room. I wave at Trey, and the normalcy of the house calms me as I pass through to the dining room then the kitchen. Routine takes over and all the tasks I’m responsible for roll out. I need to say hello to anyone who’s around as if I’m the mayor taking care of my constituents. Except in my case I care about my people. These are my guys and if anyone’s off I need to know about it.

So far, I’m the only one who’s off. Shelby’s in the kitchen. Eating. Big surprise.