Page 46 of Notorious Man on Campus

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Not angry, more like upset and worried.

“Maybe I want to give you a chance to play more,” I say being a bastard wiseass. He punches my arm so I feel it. I rub it.

“The hell is that for?”

“Answer me.” Now he sounds pissed. And serious as fuck.

“Start the car. Let’s get out of here.”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on in that crazy head of yours. There’s something between you and Nyla, isn’t there? More than your mother’s brownies and your brother’s old girlfriend.”

“If you know the answer, why bother asking me.” He bangs on the steering wheel so hard I worry for a second he’s going to crack a bone in his hand.

“Shit. Take it easy.” I wave at him to calm down, but I can see he’s locked in and taking no prisoners. Dylan is an easy going guy and liked by everyone, but he has a tough-as-nails side that I’ve seen on the field and I’m seeing it now.

The thing is, I’m too worn down to fight it.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t need to weigh you down with my baggage any more than I already have.”

“It’s better than giving me lies and fairytales. We’re friends. You’re my best friend here even though I compete against you every day on the field, even though I want to punch your brains in sometimes for being so damn closed and cut-off. But I respect you. I admire your integrity, know how loyal you are and hope to be half the leader you are when it’s my turn. You’re a stand-up guy, Brick. Annoying and funny and generous to a fault. But you need to open up because I’m on your side and you can’t take your baggage on the field with you in the next game against Navy. They’re good this year.”

I snort. “It’s all about football and here I thought you were worried about me.”

“Damn right it’s about football.” He grins and I smirk. Then I heave a sigh, letting out more air than I thought I had held inside me.

Maybe he’s right about off-loading some baggage.

“You can’t say a word to anyone. Not even Allie.” I sound like a broken record.

“I know the bro-code, man. What the fuck is with you?”

“Four years ago I betrayed my brother. And Nyla.” I pause to let it sink in. I’m not sure I’ve ever said the words out loud. The confession vibrates in my chest, loosening the tight grip of guilt a fraction.

“I’m lucky my brother didn’t disown me, lucky that he trusted me over her. Lucky that my father took my side. And damn lucky, if disappointed as fuck, that she took the money to keep her mouth shut and not say one word to my brother. Then disappear, leaving Fox Chapel High School and my life. Until now.”

“What the fuck did you do, man?”

“She was Jimmy’s girl. That’s how I thought of her the summer before our senior year when he came home from SPU for a month.” My head is stuck in that time, misery fucks with me and I remain silent for several beats

“What happened?” he prompts me. I can tell from his tone he’s already guessed what happened, but in true blue friend style, he’s not judging me bad. There’s empathy in his voice, like maybe he can imagine it happening to him too, or to anyone.

“We… Nyla and I had an attraction.” It was more than that. We had a connection, but it’s hard to accept how weak I’d been after the hard lessons I’d learned about trusting women, about how nothing’s fair in the love and cupid lane of life.

“And it’s the hidden shame of my existence that my brother placed his trust wrongly. That it was my fault as much as hers. That I could have prevented it, should have.”

“That’s fucked up, man.”

“Tell me about it.”

But I don’t tell him what’s more fucked up is that I still think about her, still have dreams starring her that would make strippers blush.

Little did I know she was a virgin. But that’s between me and Nyla and not something I need to share with Dylan or anyone else.

Chapter 19

Nyla

After Brick leaves the dining room Dylan stares me down like I’m a monster and everyone else is either stunned into silence and questioning glances at me or busying themselves with their food in I see nothing mode. I’m stunned into immobility, feeling like if I move, I’ll crack into tiny pieces, turn to dust and fall through the cracks.