Page 98 of Until the End

“Positive.” His fingers tightened around the steering wheel. “I gave it away somehow. Inadvertently.”

“Maybe you’re wrong and—”

He finally looked up and the shadows swimming in his eyes stole her voice. “I failed his test by not agreeing to take another assignment and let Cutter protect you. Sanborn gave me twenty-fours to report in with you and let Cutter take over.”

An achy tightness clenched her heart.

“To be honest, Kit, I feel lost. Before you blew into my life, I would’ve thought the things I’ve done over the last few days, the choices I’ve made, to be unimaginable.”

The conflict etched on his face made her long to erase the deep lines of worry.

Her future, possibly her life itself, rested on this moment. This fork in the road would determine what path they’d take, either together or separately.

Whatever happened, she wasn’t going to hold him to an obligation to protect her. He was a good man, the best man she’d ever known. This sacrifice was too much to ask. She cared about Castle, wanted to share herself with him, but the last thing she wanted was to hurt him.

“You have to let Cutter take over and step aside,” she said.

His eyes snapped to hers. “No way in hell. You won’t survive if I do.”

Always the consummate commando. Surprisingly, it was one of the things she realized she loved about him. He approached everything in his life the same way, as a warrior with conviction. Willing to put his life on the line if necessary.

But she was responsible for too many deaths already.

“If you don’t walk away from me, Sanborn is going to punish you.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“The parent–child dynamic you’ve mentioned between you two, the mentor–mentee relationship. What does any good parent do when their child gets caught disobeying?”

It seemed to dawn on him that she was right as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Shit.”

The ten-million-dollar question was, what would that punishment be? “Would he demote you for insubordination? Put you at a desk or something?”

“No. Nothing that straightforward for Sanborn. If he punishes me for not following orders, it’ll be something I won’t expect. Something that’ll hurt, so I’ll learn my lesson.”

Nauseating dread twisted through her.

Maybe it was her turn to protect him. “The smart thing for you to do is walk away. Accept your next assignment. I’m afraid of what Sanborn might do to you.”

“That’s because you don’t know him. Some good parents spank, but that doesn’t mean they crush their children into oblivion. Sanborn had a son and lost him in a bad CIA mission. One that never should’ve been sanctioned. That demon chases him. It’s the reason he cares so deeply about his people. I dare even say he loves us, in his own way.” He rubbed his forehead. “But I can’t bear breaking my word and handing over your safety to someone else.”

Her perspective on the kind of powerful men who ran secret government agencies was skewed for certain, but none of what he said calmed her nerves. “You have the drives. Move on and cut your losses. You don’t owe me anything. I don’t matter anymore, Castle.”

“You matter to me.” He clutched her hand and threaded their fingers together, pulling her against him, and kissed her.

She fought his devastating proximity, resisted the sublime seduction of his mouth for as long as she could. Three seconds flat until she was dragging him closer instead of pushing him away.

Once she loosened and yielded to him, he said, again, “You. Matter. To me.”

She believed him. “But I’m screwing up your life. You feel lost because of me, and everyone I care about dies. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I’m not worth it.”

“Bravo is screwing up both of our lives. Not you. I know you think you’re only worth what your money can buy for someone, but that’s a lie you believe based on every guy who has done you wrong.” He cupped her face in both his big hands. “Heel to toe, I’ve walked the line from one grueling mission to the next. I’ve always used the job as my compass, steering me the right way. But when I touch you, Kit, you feel like my true north.” He stared into her eyes, cradled her in his gaze. “Nothing worth having is free. I’m willing to pay the price to see what we could be together, but that means keeping you alive.”

Holy hell. She melted.

The odds of forging this bond, with the world falling to pieces around them, must’ve been a million to one. She felt like a damn lottery winner.

“Why did you pick this life?” she asked. “Join the military? The Gray Box?”