Page 140 of Until the End

“Don’t count on me to come back,” Castle said. “I need some time to see what else is out there for me.” He tightened his arm around Kit and tugged until she was seated on his lap.

“Oh, come on,” Reece said. “You can’t abandon us. One team. One fight.”

Castle shook his head. “I don’t see things the way I once did. Too much happened with me. With Sanborn.”

A deafening silence settled over the table. Gazes fell. No one moved. Tension pulsed around the room.

Knox set his glass down and rubbed his chin. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you all, for you, Castle. After Sanborn’s funeral, I know you came together, shared your shock, your anger, your grief. Right now, it’s easy to only focus on the things Sanborn did wrong, the mistakes he made, but I don’t want us to forget his sacrifices and the many things he did right. He brought us all together, for one.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “This transition has been hard. Painful. Many of you are still hurting. It’ll take time to heal. To restore your faith that we’re on the right path. I assure you we are. And together, as a team, as a family, we’ll get through this and move on.”

Doc scooted her chair back, visibly shaken, and ran to the bathroom.

Recovery was what everyone needed, but Doc didn’t appear close to healing. There were dark circles under her eyes as if she hadn’t been sleeping and had lost weight since Kit had last seen her.

Maddox rose and went after Doc.

Reaper leaned over to Willow and said, “You should go to the bathroom.”

“Why? I don’t have to pee.”

“They’re in there talking, not tinkling.”

Willow nodded and excused herself.

Concern was etched on the faces around the table. They were a tight-knit bunch. They all sacrificed a lot to do their job and seemed to need each other to get through it.

Kit was not sipping the government Kool-Aid, and Sanborn had proven how dangerous shadowy organizations could be, but she also no longer looked at the people seated beside her through a binary lens.

Kit leaned against Castle. “Do you think it’s too soon for me to stick my nose in?” she murmured.

Doc had been sympathetic and warm as she’d helped Kit plan the memorial service for the Outliers. A selfless act of kindness. Kit wanted to be there for her now, but the subject was sensitive, delicate, and she didn’t want to intrude.

“Nope.” He patted her leg. “Have at it.”

Kit took a shaky breath and joined the ladies in the restroom.

Doc was huddled over a sink, taking deep breaths, doing her best not to cry. Maddox was beside her, rubbing Doc’s back. Willow stood off to the side, looking a bit at a loss.

“How do I move on when the problem is me?” Doc shrieked. “Every single guy I pick is trouble. I’m a magnet for horrible men.”

“This thing with Sanborn is a unique situation,” Maddox said. “It’s been a terrible blow to all of us, but we know how much you cared about him.”

“The more I care about a man, the worse it is.” Doc sniffled. “My ex-husband used to beat me. He was a deputy at the sheriff’s department and no one did a damn thing about it. Not until he cracked my skull with a pipe. I have a steel plate in my head now. No sense of smell. I’ve been using the same shampoo and wearing the same stupid perfume since I was twenty-four because I remember what those smelled like.”

Kit rocked back, slack-jawed and horrified. “Oh, Doc.” She put a hand on her shoulder.

“That’s horrible,” Willow said.

“I was sitting in Italy for four days like a fool waiting for Sanborn. Waiting to marry him.” Tears leaked from her eyes and Willow handed her toilet paper. “I need to change so my life can change.”

“Change how?” Maddox asked, questions swimming in her eyes.

“I don’t know.” Doc shrugged. “Learn to fight. Shoot a gun. Something.”

Maddox smiled. “I can help with that.”

“I can help too,” Kit chimed in. “Not with fighting. We could take a girls’ trip, like the Real Housewives do, but less drama and more fun. I can hire a private jet and we could go anywhere you want.”

Doc gave a surprised chuckle and the tension in the room deflated.