Page 45 of Deviant Need

He licks his lips and shakes his head. “I started remembering it, but I wasn’t sure if it was real. Thought maybe I’d lost my mind.”

I push myself to my feet, needing distance, needing air, needing anything but this conversation. He moves so fast he nearly trips over himself, planting his body in front of the door like a human barricade.

“Don’t walk away from me.”

“Mik—”

“I’m so sorry. I was wasted from the drugs, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Did I assault you? I can’t remember if you were into it or if I was just too high to notice you weren’t. I should have never⁠—”

Assault me? What is he on about? I thought I was the one who made him uncomfortable.

“It wasn’t only you, Mikhail! Fuck, we both kissed, okay? It just happened.”

“You can blame me.” His voice softens, eyes pleading. “It’s okay. I was the one who⁠—”

“I don’t want to blame you for anything. It’s no one’s fault. It just happened.”

He stays planted in front of the door, staring at me, confused and shocked.

The silence drags on too long, thick and uncomfortable.

“It just happened?”

“Yeah…”

He licks his lips, glances to the side, then forces his eyes back to mine. “Why would we kiss?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Stepping back, I throw my hands up, the frustration spilling out before I can stop it. “We just did.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me about it?”

“Because you were on too many benzos and you passed out right after, Mikhail. I knew you wouldn’t remember when you woke up. What was the point of bringing it up?”

“But I did remember.” His hands clench into fists at his sides. “I remember all of it now.”

“Listen,” I force the words out. “I think both of us are stressed out of our minds, alright? You’ve been planning that club event, and Father’s been pushing you about every little thing. And I’m getting my DNA results in a few days, and that’s been messing with my head. It was just… comfort. Something we did because we were overwhelmed.”

The lie burns on my tongue like acid. It was so much more than that.

He shakes his head and mutters something about comfort while rubbing at his temple. “I just don’t know what to say, I⁠—”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me ever again,” I say, taking another step back.

His nostrils flare, and he closes the distance between us in half a second, gripping my shoulders and dragging me toward him.

His hand comes up to grip my jaw, firm and possessive. “Don’t ever say that again. So what if we kissed? I kiss you all the time. Into your hair, your neck, sometimes even your hands. This time it was on your lips. What’s the difference?”

I scoff and try to look away, but he won’t let me. “That was a real kiss. That’s the difference. We’re brothers. We grew up in the same house, same family. This is so messed up and you know it…”

“I don’t care that we stepped over some invisible line,” he snaps, his voice rising with frustration. “We had a fucked-up childhood, and we got no love except from each other. I can’t remember a single moment without you in it. You’re the only person who takes care of me. Who makes sure I eat. Who stays when everyone else would walk away.”

I nod, swallowing hard, and his grip tightens on my jaw as he stares down at me with a curious expression, then licks his lips, opens his mouth, closes it again. Then, “Can we go away somewhere?”

“What?”

“To our cabin,” he blurts. “We haven’t been there since January, and I think it would be good. Get away from everything for a few days. Just to talk and decompress. We can open your DNA results there, clear the air, figure this out without everyone breathing down our necks.”

Is he fucking insane? Being stranded with him at the cabin sounds like the exact nightmare I don’t need right now. There’s no escape if we do that.