Page 37 of Deviant Need

I lift my leg to show him the other one I hadn’t touched yet.

He breaks into this wide smile that makes his whole face light up. “This is why you’re my best friend.” He lights his and passes me the lighter.

Lighting mine, I take a slow drag then exhale. “How was it?”

He shrugs. “Boring as hell. She wouldn’t shut up about some drama with her friends and kept giggling at everything I said. Even the stuff that wasn’t funny.”

“You left early then?”

“Yup. Told her I had a family thing.” He takes a drag and exhales slowly. “Honestly, I kept thinking about how much more fun it would be to just come home and hang out with you. She was nice and whatever, but I don’t know. Felt like a waste of time.”

“You always say that.”

“Because it’s always true.” He nudges my leg with his knee. “You get me, you know? I don’t have to pretend or try to be interesting. I can just exist, and it’s fine.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I just nod. We sit shoulder to shoulder and stare out at the dark woods behind the house.

“Remember our tree? We still have that toy box stashed out there. The one with all the stuff we didn’t want the others to find.”

I start laughing and almost choke on smoke. “You insisted on hiding cookies in it but forgot ants exist.”

I love our tree. We haven’t been there since I was thirteen, but I want to visit again someday. I wonder if it’s still standing or if the old dead wood finally gave out and it fell over, if the branches are still attached or if they’ve broken off. It’s been dead for as long as we’ve known it, but it never changed, always looked exactly the same.

“I didn’t know they could crawl into sealed containers,” he mutters defensively. “We had so many things hidden in there. Remember the flashlight? And all those magazines you stole from Alexei?”

I smile at that. “My favorite thing you ever hid was Father’s clock. The one he loved so much he nearly tore the house apart looking for it.”

He grins wide. “That was a good one. Probably still sitting in there unless some raccoon dragged it off.” He nudges my leg with his knee again. “Pretty sure that knife’s still in there too.”

We go quiet for a second. We don’t talk about that knife, never have really. It’s just there, wrapped in an old bloody shirt at the bottom of the box.

He clears his throat and shifts beside me. “Why are you up here alone anyway? Everything okay?”

“I think there’s something wrong with me.”

He scowls, turns to face me more. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t think I can like girls the way I’m supposed to. Like that, I mean. I haven’t even kissed anyone. There’s something wrong with me because I’d rather be home doing stuff on my computer than going on dates like you do.”

His eyebrows pull together, and he’s quiet for a moment, processing. Then he wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer against his side.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. Ignore the others, they’re idiots. I punched Lev for what he said the other day.”

Sighing, I lean into his warmth. “Don’t do that. I don’t like when you fight because of me.”

“I know. But I’m not going to let them talk shit about you.”

“I think I’m just damaged or something.” A tear slips out, and I scrub it away with my sleeve, hoping he didn’t see that.

“Stop talking like that, Danya. There’s nothing wrong with you. I like you exactly the way you are.”

“You’re probably the only person who can say that.”

He scoffs. “No way. You’re Mama’s favorite, always have been. Pretty sure Papa favors you too, even if he doesn’t show it.”

I shake my head against him. I don’t care about that right now. I just want to be normal, whatever the hell that even means.

“I’m sorry you feel like this. There’s going to be someone for you, I’m sure of it. Maybe you just need more time, you know? There’s nothing wrong with you. Stop thinking there is. To me, you are perfect.”