Page 66 of Enchanted

I wasn’t going so far as to say Benji was completely right, but maybe there was a kernel of truth in there. Rather than fighting my instincts, I should let them guide me.

Taking a deep breath, I reached over and touched Ethan’s chin lightly. His eyes flew up, his lips parting on a sudden intake of breath.

“Now listen here, Ethan Routliff,” I said, my voice low, “because I’m only going to say this once. If other men are leaving their partners when they receive a terminal diagnosis, that makes them cunts of the worst kind.” Ones who’d eventually be served justice in the form of Lucifer and his minions. “But Dave sticking around and effectively checking out doesn’t make him any better.”

Ethan’s lower jaw pushed against my hand. I suspected he was going to protest, so I gently but firmly closed his mouth for him. Then, I went a step further and covered it with my palm, just as I’d done earlier today. “Nope. You can have your turn in a second. I’m not done yet.”

His eyes sparkled with amusement above my hand. Guess he liked it when I was firm with him. Poor guy. Ethan would soon learn that I was about as firm as melted butter when it came to him. Not his well-being or happiness though. Steel was more apt for those areas.

“I don’t give a shit that he quit his job and moved back here for you,” I continued. “That’s the bare minimum he should’ve done. If he truly loved you, he would’ve been at every appointment he could. He would’ve distracted you during chemo, sat beside you when you saw the consultant, and taken care of you when you got home. Did he do those things?”

Ethan raised his brows. I realised he couldn’t answer and reluctantly lowered my hand. It didn’t go far though, I just cupped his jaw again.

“No. At first, yes, but when it became clear I was only going to get worse…”

“He stopped.” Fuck, I really wanted to kill Dave. “I’m sorry, Ethan. You deserve so much better. You’ve gone on this journey alone, and I fucking hate it.”

“I see your point,” Ethan said slowly, “but in a way, I was glad.”

“How so?”

“Because I didn’t want anyone else to watch me die.”

“Ethan,” I whispered. Unable to help myself, I scooted around the seat until my hip was pressed against his. “Don’t say that, baby.”

“Why not? It’s true. It’s bad enough knowing you’re dying, but subjecting those you care about it to it? That’s far worse. Selfishly, I didn’t want to worry about traumatising anyone with everything else I had going on.”

“Is that why you never contacted your friends? The ones you had in Southampton?”

“Mostly, yeah.” Ethan’s toes toyed with my calf under the water. I wasn’t sure he even realised he was doing it. “But also, what kind of friend would I be if I reached out? I haven’t spoken to them in years, then only reaching out because I’m dying? What a shitty thing to do.”

“What a human thing to do. If they were your friends, I don’t doubt they would’ve dropped everything to support you.”

In fact, I knew that was exactly what they would’ve done. The three of them would’ve commanded they be flown here immediately. I didn’t know any of them well, but I knew none of them would’ve let Ethan go through this alone. They would’ve pulled in any favours necessary to try and save him, utilising their network to…

To…

Oh fuck.

Fuck.

The realisation hit me so hard I gasped. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force the inconvenient truth from my mind. But there was no escaping it. No escaping the knowledge that I would’ve been the one they reached out to. Me. I would’ve been their first call.

If that had happened, I would’ve met Ethan months earlier. Possibly before he’d been through the trauma of chemo and everything else he’d undergone. He wouldn’t have had to live with the knowledge that he was dying as long as he had.

Because I would’ve healed him instantly.

Fate was a cruel mistress. Or master. If I ever met them, I’d have a few choice words to say, none of them polite.

“Rami? What’s wrong?”

I had to swallow a couple of times before I could get the words out. “Nothing. Sorry. Stubbed my toe.”

“You are a bit big for this tub,” Ethan teased. “I barely fit in here with your giant frame.”

“Want me to give you some space?”

“No.” Ethan’s hand clamped down on my knee. He blushed but didn’t look away as he spoke. “I like you right here.”