Page 143 of Hard to Get

A smile plays on his lips, but his eyes are steady on mine. “Right? You felt things weren’t equal. And I get that. But I also think it’s not realistic to expect things to be fifty-fifty all the time.”

Uh oh. What is he saying?

“There’ll be times when… I’m on the road, I can’t be there for something that might be important to you. Even if it’s taking out the garbage. Or commiserating with you because some deal fell through.” His eyes tighten at the corners. “It’s the reality of my life.”

My mouth softens. “I know.”

“And there’ll be times you’re traveling or busy with work, too. And I’ll have to pick up some slack. Like, it won’t be perfectly balanced all the time, but I see us as partners and over time, it evens out.”

“I didn’t even think of that,” I admit. “But you’re right. Thank you. And… you know I have issues about my mother and her relationships.”

“Yeah.”

“So I don’t expect you to “complete me”.”

He smiles, his eyes warm.

“I don’t expect you to be my source of self-worth.”

“Right.”

“But if I am like that… I expect you to be honest with me, even if it’s hard.”

“This is getting heavy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. I’m kidding. It’s good to talk about these things.”

“Okay. Last thing. This is where the age difference comes in.” I pull in a long breath. “Do you want kids someday?” I hold up my hands, palms facing him. “I only ask because if that’s a dealbreaker thing for you, we should talk about it now. Except… you’re really young and⁠—”

“I’m not that young.” He shakes his head. “Come on, Stella.”

“It makes a difference! When I’m forty, having a baby gets a little dicey.”

“Okay, yeah.” He rubs his jaw. “I’ll say this. I would like to have kids someday. Not right now. I don’t know when.” He meets my eyes. “You?”

I nod slowly. “Same,” I whisper. “I would like to have kids someday, too. Not right now.”

“We can practice a lot. I’m in favour of that.”

A smile breaks out on my face. “Me too.”

I was a little worried he would think I was totally getting ahead of myself with these questions. But he didn’t get angry or defensive or make light of it. I am so in love with him.

After dinner we stroll back to the hotel. In our suite, when our jackets are off, Jayden steers me toward the bed, his hands slipping under my loose sweater. He undresses me with care, admiring me with his eyes and his touch and his whispered words. He presses his mouth to each corner of mine, then my cheek, then sucks on my bottom lip. His thumb presses to my chin so I open to him, and he licks into my mouth and consumes me and I sink into it, looping my arms around his neck and holding on.

“We don’t need condoms,” I whisper to him as he sucks gently on the side of my neck. “I’m back on birth control now.”

He smiles. “I guess I didn’t need to bring that value pack of condoms.” He lays me down on the bed and moves over me, propping himself up on straight arms.

I gaze up at his beautiful face, his broad shoulders and muscled chest, my heart thumping, heat running through my veins. “Value pack? How many is that?”

“Twenty-four.”

“You brought twenty-four condoms for a two-day trip?”

“Is that unreasonable?”

I can’t hold back my smile. “Yes, if you want me to be able to walk out of here.”

He brushes his mouth over mine. “That’s not one of my expectations.”

I choke on a giggle. “How do you make me horny and laughing at the same time?”

“Because those are my two favourite things to do. Glad it’s working.” He lowers himself onto me and kisses me again, and I wrap my arms around him and hold on, loving his heat and weight on me, loving his tongue in my mouth, his hands in my hair.

Even after I asked those tough questions, even after I made myself vulnerable by telling him what I need from him, he’s still here with me, still admiring me, still wanting me. Loving me.

I can be strong and confident and independent, and still be open, vulnerable, and soft. Jayden saw that in me. I tried to deny it, even to myself, but he makes me feel so special and safe and loved… and brave enough to admit it. Love is a leap of faith, like Lauren said; knowing the risks, knowing that opening up to him and loving him gives him the power to hurt me… but also knowing he is worth the risk.