Page 62 of Wanna Bet?

She walked over and sank onto the couch., somehow more exhausted than before. Ellis sat beside her and for several minutes neither spoke.

Eventually Myah whispered, "I keep thinking about him."

A sad smile crossed Ellis's face. "Yeah?"

"Everything reminds me of him."

The japanese record she'd bought from High Tides. The smell of weed. The hoodie he'd left in her apartment. The stupid sunglasses he’d worn that day at the mall. The coffee order she knew by heart. The way he'd laugh whenever she said something ridiculous. Everywhere she looked there was evidence he'd existed. Evidence she'd ruined it.

Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as Ellis wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She didn't pull away for once.

"Do you think he'll ever talk to me again?" The question came out small and fragile.

Ellis was silent for a long time. Long enough for dread to settle in her stomach. Finally he sighed. "I think so."

Myah nodded slowly. Then rested her head against his shoulder. For several minutes she cried quiet tears that refused to stop. It was strange having Ellis there, she’d never really had a friend like him before.

The afternoon passed slowly and Ellis eventually convinced her to eat takeout. She hated to admit how nice it’s been to feel normal for a little bit.

By evening he finally left and when he did, the apartment became quiet again. The silence settled around her like a blanket, heavy and suffocating.

Myah sat alone on the couch, phone in hand, Jace's contact open. She stared at it for nearly ten minutes. Then typed.

I miss you. She deleted it.

Typed again.

I'm sorry. Deleted.

Again.

I love— Her breath caught. The words sat there. Bright and terrible as she stared at them, then quickly erased them. Because it didn't matter if she loved him or not, it didn't change anything.

Outside, the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. Darkness crept through the room but Myah didn't bother turning on the lights. She simply sat there, alone and heartbroken. For the first time in years she couldn't imagine a future version of herself. Couldn't picture next week. Next month. Next year. Every path in front of her felt blank. The only thing she knew for certain was that tomorrow morning she'd wake up and reach for her phone and she'd hope to see a message from Jace. And when there wasn't one, she'd have to survive another day without him.

Right now, that felt impossible. But tomorrow would come anyway. It always did. And somewhere beneath the grief, buried beneath the shame and self-loathing and heartbreak, there was a tiny stubborn piece of her that still wanted to keep going.

She realized she wasn't grieving only the loss of Jace. She was grieving the version of herself she'd become when he loved her. And that loss hurt almost as much.

Chapter Fifteen

From: Myah

​Jace, please. Just talk to me.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Jace burned the grilled cheese. Not just a little, either. The entire bottom slice had turned black while he'd stood in front of the stove staring out the kitchen window.

The smell should have gotten his attention sooner. Instead, he only noticed when the smoke detector erupted overhead.

"Jesus Christ." He yanked the pan off the burner and grabbed a dish towel, waving it frantically beneath the detector. The shrill beeping continued. The sandwich was unsalvageable. His lunch was ruined, and judging by the pile of dishes currently occupying his sink, it wasn't even the first thing he'd messed up this week.

Eventually the detector fell silent and Jace dropped the towel onto the counter before staring at the charred remains of what had been perfectly good bread five minutes ago.

A laugh escaped him, short and humorless. Because somehow the burnt sandwich felt fitting. For the past week, everything in his life had existed in one of two states.

Forgotten. Or ruined.