Page 153 of Under Restless Skies

She sighs. “I know. Be strong, and let Cardiana guide you. Love will light your way. Real love.”

I’m trembling and tears are wetting my eyes. “Can I have a hug?”

She wraps her arms around me. “My little girl. You ask for a hug and I’ll start thinking there’s an impostor in your place.”

“It’s me. And I’ll miss you. I’ll miss you so much.” My voice comes amidst sobs, as she caresses my back.

I climb the ladder to my old room and find my brother packing, a wide grin on his face. “Did you hear the news?”

“Yes.” I can’t contain my smile when I see him excited like that. “Are you happy?”

“I’ll get to travel, sis. What do you think?”

“I’m happy for you. Now, I won’t be around, so I need to ask you to listen to Laristella and⁠—”

He frowns. “I always listen to her!”

“Fair. Anyway, take care. I’ll miss you.”

I wrap my arms around him, holding onto this moment, trying to imprint on my mind the memory of our childhood together.

He breaks the hug too soon for my taste, then says, “I’ll miss you too, but Laristella said you might visit.”

“I might not. I don’t know.”

“Well, I won’t forget you,” he says. “Will you come see us board?” His grin is so boyish, so childish, that it breaks my heart to say no.

“Your departure has to be discreet, so…” I can’t talk or I’ll break down crying again, and I don’t want tears to ruin his last memory of me.

He doesn’t notice my reaction and gives me a smile. “Oh. Bye, then. Take care.”

I nod, my throat too tight to speak. Downstairs, I grab the spices and the two leather satchels. My hand hovers on the door for a final second before I leave, unsure if I’ll ever see my family again.

25

The library is nearly empty, as usual, and I’m the only recruit here. My heart flutters and rumbles as I shuffle a useless book that tells me nothing. Still, I’ve been coming here consistently, as it’s the excuse I’ve been giving Alayel not to see him during rain time.

He’ll expect me tonight, but I’ll be gone by then. No more kisses, no more laughter, no more us. A chasm of pain pulls me to its depths.

But what’s the alternative? To leave sweet, loving, innocent Ava and Vos here, to be devoured by a nefarious dragon? I have to save them. How can I ever kiss Alayel? How can I enjoy our moments together when a ball of guilt corrodes my insides?

I have to undo my mistakes, and this is the price I’ll pay. A hefty price, but still.

My skin prickles with anxiety, as sadness churns in my heart. I cried the day my brother and Laristella left, wishing I could say goodbye to them, and yet I didn’t even come close to the port. I might never see them again. The thought is a vice around my throat.

I might never see Alayel either. My heart feels heavy, an open gash running through it, bleeding and bleeding and bleeding. I’m the one who’s slashed my chest, unable to find a way to save two innocent lives without betraying the man I love.

I can’t falter. Raintime should be soon, so I place the book back on its shelf, then slip out of the library, trying unsuccessfully to quiet the anxious thrum running through my body. Each step down toward the dungeons is heavier than the last.

Am I really doing this? The thought is wild and strange.

I’m about to betray my kingdom, betray my betrothed, betray even my father. And yet when I picture the little dragons free again, rejoining their family, a spark of hope and love ignites such a wondrous, soothing feeling in my chest that leaves me no doubt whether I’m doing the right thing.

And if I focus on that feeling, on saving Ava and Vos, my fear and anxiety fade, replaced by determination. I cling to this feeling to pull me out of the depths of my fear and regret.

Thunder rumbles outside as I reach the hatchlings’ room. It’s time.

Ava chirps when she sees me, and scrambles up to my shoulder the moment I reach for her. Across the room, Vos is perched on the edge of the water basin, his tail coiled tight. I scoop him up and draw him into my lap.