Page 115 of Under Restless Skies

“It’s fine to be upset.” Celine’s eyes are focused on her cup as she fills it with tea.

Nelly tsks. “Nah. Some men don’t deserve our feelings.”

“I had no feelings.” My lie sounds childish and stupid, but thankfully my friends don’t call me out.

Nelly only gives me a smile. “You’ll find someone ten times better.”

I return her smile and nod, appreciating her support.

But is it the solution? Filling an open wound with someone else? Do we need romantic love to feel happy? Like always, all I have is questions, and no answers.

The only clear thing is that as much as I tell myself that I should have known better, it still hurts. A lot. And then I hate that it hurts, and it hurts even more.

My tray has only an orange and an apple, as I’m feeling too nauseous to eat bread or drink anything hot.

When we sit, Celine says, “Cardiana’s day is coming. Maybe she’ll bless us.”

Nelly takes a loaf of bread and spreads some butter on it. “There’s a ball, right? Why haven’t we heard about it?”

Celine drinks a sip of her tea, then says, “It’s always like that. The exact date is decided at the last minute. And it’s not like we need advance notice, since we can get our dresses from the depository.”

Nelly chuckles. “I’ll go early and bribe that woman. All our dresses absolutely did not look the same.”

I wonder if she’s thinking about the dress I wore, and realize I never told them how I got it. I remember Alayel at the ball, ignoring me, and now I want to slap my face a hundred times to stop being so stupid.

Celine shakes her head. “It doesn’t really matter. We wear red, praise the Goddess of Love, and have fun. It’s my favorite festivity. They might let some of us leave the academy and watch the festival in the city.”

I eat a piece of my orange and think about Commander Mallor and his promise to reconsider my position in the academy around Cardiana’s festival. The sour taste coming to my mouth is not from the orange. Now I won’t even have Alayel’s protection. And then the memory of the bastard prince storming the commander’s office confuses me.

Nelly’s taking a sip of her juice, then stares beyond me, eyes wide. Celine does the same. I turn, still with the orange in my mouth, and see Alayel standing by our table.

He crouches, so that his face is level with mine, then blinks slowly, as if his eyelashes could make him seem innocent. It’s a lot of gall from his part, and some foolishness. He’s too confident that I won’t throw a cup of tea on his face.

“How are you?” he asks, his tone so sweet that it might actually make me puke. And yet he’s still ridiculously good-looking.

“Fine.” I shrug, not wanting to let him notice I’m upset. “You?”

“I had a horrible night.” He gives me such a sad look that if I didn’t know him better, I’d pity him.

“Well, gotta be careful with star nectar.” I turn back to my orange, but he doesn’t budge.

“Mayara, I need to talk to you.” His voice is so sad, so sweet, so beseeching that it reminds me of my brother when he was little, when begging for something he shouldn’t have.

I’m about to tell Alayel that I don’t want to talk to him, but then I figure it would be too kind, and I’m not in a kind mood. Instead, I give him a sweet smile and tilt my head, as if puzzled.

“Something wrong?”

“It’s what I’m wondering.” His eyes are scanning my face, trying to read it, perhaps.

“We can talk tonight, can’t we?” I blink, aware that I can’t do the same as he, with my short eyelashes.

A trace of a smile forms on the corners of his lips. “Like usual?”

I frown, looking concerned. “Why not? Is there something wrong with you?” Ha! Acting like he’s going crazy is a balsam to my wounded heart.

“Nothing wrong. See you tonight.” His almost smile turns into a satisfied smirk. Stupid smirk that I never noticed. He then gets up and leaves.

I don’t even look at him.