Page 249 of Breathe Like Hell

But it was too late.

Dakota’s face was completely pale, her wide eyes glossy with tears, her body language stiff and defensive.

“Are you saying this is my fault?” she managed to question, her hands trembling.

“No—”

“Well, I agree with you!” She increased the volume of her voice again, tears coming faster, her finger pointed at my chest as her emotions flipped. “I fucking agree with you Mason. It is my fault, and I wish I’d died that night instead of him! I’m glad you’re finally being honest!”

“I’m not being honest!” I shouted, making her angrier. My chest was tight, all my muscles aching from tension and anxiety and instability. “I didn’t mean to fucking say that, Dakota!”

“Yes you did! Don’t lie to me! You think it’s all my fault, and you hate me because I killed him!” Her screams broke into sobs again and it felt like the walls were closing in on me.

I was hurting her. I was fucking ruining her. Micah had left her with me, and I was nothing except a violent nightmare.

Poison in the water.

“Tell me. Do you wish it had been me?” Dakota continued. “Do you wish I died instead of him?”

No. I wish I died instead of either of you.

And part of me really fucking hates Micah for making the choice he made.

“Never,” I said, but it was clear she didn’t believe me. “I would never wish that, not in a million years.”

“But you just can’t ignore the fact that I was fighting with him—I was fighting with both of you, and then I stormed off and got myself fucking killed, can you?” Her voice trembled with each word, but she didn’t slow down. “I don’t blame you, Mason.”

“Well, I do! I do blame myself! I should’ve known he was going to do that! I should’ve stopped him!” I threw my hands up in the air, my throat constricting. “I knew you could become an angel if another angel sacrificed their life for you, but I somehow never considered it might happen in that way. I should’ve⁠—”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me that?” She cut me off, eyes narrowing.

“Micah thought it was a bad idea.” A bitter taste coated my tongue, and I hated myself even more. I didn’t need to bring him into this. He wasn’t here to defend himself, and I’d wholeheartedly agreed with him at the time.

He’s not here to defend himself.

He’s not here at all.

“You don’t have to listen to everything he says. I deserved to know.” Hurt shone in Dakota’s teary eyes, and she had her arms crossed over her chest like she needed to physically protect her heart from me. “But you’re always going to lie to me, aren’t you? It doesn’t even matter what the topic is. All I will ever get from you are lies, Mason.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is true.” She’d moved farther away from me at some point during our conversation.

“I told you he left me. That was the truth.”

“Only because I figured it out myself.” Her cheeks still glistened with tears, and panic still encroached on my every thought. Only two months without Micah, and Dakota and I had become almost entirely dysfunctional. More than that, it was entirely my fault that we were breaking apart. This was in my nature.

“Do you want me to tell you something you haven’t figured out yourself?” I questioned, my heart beating in my throat and my palms sweating. Fear and self-hatred constricted my ribs, until I could barely get a breath in—not that I needed a breath. I wished I could never breathe again.

“Sure. But I don’t see how it matters.” Dakota moved back further away from me. I tried reminding myself that this was good, that she needed to leave me. It was the only way to survive me.

But deep down, I still didn’t want her to.

“It matters because you…You need to understand you can’t stay with me.”

“I can do whatever⁠—”

“No.” I interrupted her sharply. “You can’t. I—” My voice cut out, my hand ghosting over my tight throat as I stared at the ceiling.