Page 187 of Breathe Like Hell

Maybe this was what I deserved.

I’d unfairly asked them to accept me needing them both, and now I felt stupid for it.

━━━━━

The breakfast table was tense before I even opened my mouth. Mason kept looking over at me, like he knew I’d seen, and Micah was purposefully not looking at me, like he also knew. They weren’t sitting in their usual chairs, but as far as possible, at opposite ends of the table. I couldn’t tell if they were avoiding each other like normal or simply trying too hard not to look guilty.

In the hour I’d laid in bed unable to fall back asleep, I’d exhausted my brain trying to decide how I was supposed to feel about what I’d seen. I’d argued with myself until every prickly emotion blurred together, and I still couldn’t get the image of them in the shower together to leave my thoughts.

Eventually, I gave up trying to name how I felt. Embarrassment, curiosity, guilt, jealousy. Whatever it was, it refused to leave me alone.

I cleared my throat, both men’s heads flying upward, gazes locking onto my face. I froze, heat rushing to my cheeks.

“Um,” I started, brushing my hair behind my shoulders. “Are we going to pretend I didn’t see you this morning?”

For a minute, nobody spoke.

Micah was the first to break the silence. “I figured you did.”

I looked expectantly at Mason, almost feeling more hurt by him than Micah. Micah had, in a backwards way, been more upfront about his dishonesty. Plus, I at least knew he liked men.

“Okay.” I nodded, feeling the heat on my face. “I guess we’re even now.”

Mason spoke then, tension lining the edges of his expression. “It wasn’t about that.”

My eyes found Micah’s.

How many times did you fuck him?

A lot of times.

Even if it wasn’t about revenge for Mason, it was for Micah. At least partially. I should’ve suspected it all those weeks ago, when he held me in front of the mirror and confessed his anger, his lies. When the games really started.

“Then what was it?” I said after a few beats of silence.

Nobody answered for a long minute.

“We’ve just been sleeping together,” Mason answered.

“For how long?”

He hesitated. “A while.”

I forced myself to nod again, trying to conceal my hurt as much as I could. A lump was growing in my throat, something shameful twisting in my stomach.

“And neither of you thought to mention it?”

Mason shrugged, but the gesture was far from flippant. “There wasn’t much to say.”

“That feels like something people usually mention,” I said, allowing yet another minute of tense silence to fill the room. “Does this change anything?”

“No.”

The answer came instantly, from both of them.

I studied Mason’s face first, then Micah’s.

They didn’t look convinced.