Page 111 of Breathe Like Hell

“Because I fucked up and I need to fix it.”

“Flowers aren’t going to fix this,” she argued, stepping to the side of the sidewalk so we weren’t blocking the way.

“I know. And if you don’t want to come with me now, I won’t make you.” It was a fight to say the words, but I had to show her I was willing to do this her way. “But I am here to ask you to spend the afternoon with me.”

“You’re being fucking weird.” She crossed her arms. “I’m not sure you’ve ever asked me to do anything. You usually just make me do it.”

“Do you want me to try, or not?”

Dakota was quiet for a minute, but I could see it in her eyes. She wanted this. She hated that she wanted this. We were both broken, but being broken together felt better than being broken alone. All her rough edges matched all of mine. The same self-destructive streak ran heavy in both of us.

“Where would you take me if I went with you?”

“To the beach.” My heart started beating harder with nerves. “I have things to tell you.” It would be easier to lay myself bare surrounded by crashing waves, dark sand, sharp rocks, and wind blowing through Dakota’s gorgeous hair.

“Fine. And why did you get these flowers?” She looked down at the red roses in my hand, clear disgust on her face. “Did you think I would like them or something?”

A shocked laugh burst out of my chest, Dakota’s gaze flying back up to my face, her eyebrows lifting.

“No,” I said through my surprised laughter. “I did not think you would like these, but the options at the store were very limited. I didn’t think you’d actually voice your distaste, though.”

“Oh.” There was a smile teasing the edges of her mouth, but she was suppressing it. “Yeah. I’d never pick these for myself.”

“Understood. Thanks for letting me know.”

“You’re welcome.”

I tried to grab her hand, but she snatched it away, that scowl creeping back onto her delicate features. I didn’t try again, and we walked across campus together, but not holding hands or touching in any way. I deserved it.

“I’m hungry,” Dakota said as I shut the driver’s side door and started the car, heat starting to trickle out of the vents. The roses had already been tossed on the back seat and forgotten.

“We can get food.”

She had her head turned out the window, looking away from me, and did not respond. I put the car in gear then pulled out of the lot, driving slowly until I got off campus and onto the wider roads.

“I also need a new journal,” she added after a few minutes of me driving in silence. “Mine is full.”

“We can get that, too.”

“And some decorations for the journal.”

“My wallet is your wallet.” I glanced over at her, my eyes tracing the curve of her cheek while she stared out at the oil painting of Washington’s late autumn scenery.

“Okay.” She seemed satisfied enough.

We stopped at a craft store, and I walked around with Dakota while she browsed and gave me things to hold, proving that my decision not to grab a basket when we entered was stupid. I wasn’t going to admit that, I just…hadn’t expected she was going to get so many little items.

Her new journal, black and leather-bound, with an elastic strap to keep it shut. Three kinds of lace. Some ribbon; a velvety black one and a white satin one, different widths. Many silver charms and some strings of beads. Glue. Scissors. I almost questioned her on the scissors—because I knew she had scissors in her bedroom—but if she wanted scissors right now, she could have scissors right now.

I actually did get money from the Syndesmos—the place serving as a link between Heaven and Earth—for killing demons, and taking care of Aamon had only provided me more of that. Once I’d reported his death, I’d been generously compensated. I could afford some ribbon and charms. Even though I wasn’t entirely convinced all of these things were actually going to end up on the journal.

She grabbed a package of sour gummy candy from the checkout line and I purchased everything, then walked out with her, the plastic bag of stuff crinkling with gusts of wind.

Back in the car, she took my phone and put on her own music.

Beware by Deftones.

I listened to the song, my hands gripping the steering wheel tighter.