Page 162 of The Gods Order

Or rather…Amick answered as much as he was willing to answer.

There are some questions that no amount of planning can answer.

Conversation has long since drifted away from strategies and worst-case scenarios. Children’s laughter fills the backyard as they chase one another around. Aside from Laney, who’s tucked into Creed’s side across the table from me. Riven sits beside her, vying for her attention. Kyzen’s on my right, chuckling along with Ellian as they watch the little ones. Amick’s on my left, discussing who knows what book with Lambrit, while Rose and Annalise rock quietly in the rocking chairs.

I find myself watching Creed.

The God of Death sits there comfortably with little Ezra sleeping soundly against his chest as though there’s no safer place in the realm. The look of fear that he gave Annalise when she placed that small bundle in his arms was priceless.

Death holding new life. It’s precious.

Laney certainly seems to think so.

Lambrit’s reassured me constantly this week that she isn’t upset with me for not visiting as much as I promised I would. I actually was only able to come once, and it was a bad time to pop up. She was elbow deep in a game with her friends and didn’t want to stop playing to entertain me. I, of course, acted like an adult and understood, although in my heart I felt like the realm’s shittiest sister.

According to Annalise, she’s had a few moments of angry outbursts this week that are followed right up with tears. That gutted me, but she, Iric, and Lambrit said that it’s normal and expected.

I know it’s normal. I just hate the fact she’s going through it.

Right now, in this moment, though, her small smile melts my heart.

She looks so happy.

Just…a little girl fascinated by a baby.

The god holding that baby has a lot to do with her mood as well.

“He’s so tiny. It’s weird,” Laney says as she holds her finger up to Ezra’s foot, measuring the size difference.

“You were smaller than that not that long ago,” I say, smirking at the bewildered look she gives me.

“I don’t believe you. He’s like…really tiny.”

“He’s grown since you’ve been here, Laney girl,” Ellian says. “This time next year, he’ll be out there in the yard, running around with the rest of you.”

“Gosh, he’ll grow that fast?” she asks like that makes no sense to her at all.

“It goes by faster than you realize.” Annalise sighs, smiling over at us as her rocking chair slows.

Laney nods absentmindedly, still tracing the wrinkles on the bottom of Ezra’s feet. Then her smile fades.

“I don’t think I ever want a baby.”

The porch doesn’t go silent, but the conversations soften around us. I sense Lambrit’s stare on the side of my face, and my men are paying keen attention.

“We can have that conversation in two hundred years,” Riven says. “You’re too young to be worrying about babies.”

She shakes her head and boops him back on the nose.

“My heart knows I never want a baby.”

“Your heart knows?” Lambrit asks low.

She nods. “If I had one and then I die, they’d be alone. I’d never want to leave them alone.”

My heart cracks open and I subtly wipe my lips on my napkin to stop them from trembling.

Of course she isn’t really thinking about motherhood.