Page 8 of Knot Their Soldier: Part Three

"I'm sorry, princess," I whisper. "I gave you orders when I should have given you truth. I gave you distance when I should have given you my love. And when it mattered, I wasn't fast enough."

My voice breaks, but I force the rest out. "I have one duty left tonight, and you would hate it. I know you would, and I'm sorry for that too."

I press my lips against her forehead. The kiss lingers, and I breathe in the last remaining hints of her lavender and lightning scent.

"Viper. He needs me to be strong right now, to be his Prime." I inhale sharply, fighting against the welling emotion bursting from my chest. "And I don't want to be. Rut help me, princess, I don't. I want to go back into that tent and purge the pain tearing me apart from the inside."

I swipe at the tears I hadn't realized were tracking down my cheeks as I study her face, imprinting one last image of her pretty features in my mind.

"But I can't let him fall into Blood Lust and risk him hurting the innocent. This is his choice, and I have to respect it. I know you'd argue with us, but you're not here to yell at me. You're not here to—" I choke on a sob, letting the tears flow as I struggle to catch my breath.

I kiss her forehead again, lingering, my eyes squeezed tight.

'What a mess,' I think to her. We never got the chance to form our bond, the special connection that allowed us to hear each other's thoughts, but I don't think it matters. She's in my heart, my soul, and she has been for a long time. 'I'll do this last thing right, princess. After that, I'll finally set down my duty.'

I pull away and rise. My face is wet, but I don't wipe the tears. I don't care anymore.

Shade stands behind me, trembling so violently he looks like he's convulsing. The Beta, our Pack Beta, slips his hand around the back of my head and drags my forehead down to press firmly against his.

"You're going for a walk too, aren't you, boss?" he says under his breath.

It is barely a question.

Shade always knew me best.

I don't answer, and that is answer enough. His breath breaks against my cheek as his fingers tighten in my hair, then loosen, then tighten again, as if his body still wants to hold me here even though his mind has already understood.

"Knox," he whispers, and his voice ruins me.

I swallow back another wave of grief threatening to spill over. I can't fall apart yet.

"Not until I've done my duty for Viper," I croak.

Shade shudders and tears splat on our boots.

My heart feels like it's ripping. Who would have thought that a Prime Alpha taught to never form attachments to subordinates would have a nerdy Beta as his closest companion, confidant, and friend? No matter what, I always knew Shade had my back.

And now, he sees the end of the road I've chosen, and he's letting me walk it because he knows me too well to expect me to accept the pain of my grief and guilt.

His forehead presses harder against mine. "Then do it clean," he says, the words shredded down to almost nothing.

My breath catches.

"I will."

His hand drops away, and it feels final.

"Take care of Blaze," I say, stepping back.

Shade's mouth twists, and for a moment, I see the boy who lost his first family and the man about to lose his second. "I'll try."

It is the most honest answer either of us has left.

I want to tell him that he was never only a Beta, a soldier, or a man who held the rest of us together through cleverness and care and sheer force of will. He was so much more.

I don't trust myself with any of those words.

So I give him the only thing I still know how to give. A salute.