Page 82 of Misadventures of a Biker

She shot me a glare. “Thanks for caring.”

“This always happens with you,” I complained. “We start talking about something, and the next thing I know, we’re discussing San Diego’s skyline, and I can’t remember what it was that we were originally talking about. I end up mad at myself because I can’t remember, and I can’t remember because you go off on some tangent about something completely unrelated to the subject I wanted to talk about. We were talking about crazy sex. Beads, bitch,” I said with a laugh. “Let’s hear it.”

“It was on the second night we were together. He—”

“Second time you two met, or was it two consecutive nights?”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because. I want to know.”

“Two consecutive nights.”

I smiled. “Awesome. Go ahead.”

“He asked me if I was interested in experimenting. He’d explained on the night we met that he was open-minded. So, on night two, he asked if I was open to experimenting.”

“Did you two bone on the first night?”

“We did.”

“Basically, you’re a whore,” I said dryly. “You know that, right?”

“Shut up. You used to screw guys and give them Theresa Bianchi’s business card. Don’t talk to me about being a whore.”

I poked the remainder of sashimi in my mouth and smiled. “Ouch.”

“On the second night, I agreed to try the anal beads. I figured what the hell. You and Devin are fucking in your office, and he’s choking you until you nearly pass out. You screwed in the grocery store parking lot, for Christ’s sake.”

“And?”

“I have to hear all those stories,” she said. “I wondered what I might be missing.”

“Back to the beads. Did he have them in his suitcase? He probably doesn’t have a suitcase, does he? Backpack. Did he have them in his backpack?”

“We bought them in Fort Myers.”

“We? You went to a sex shop?”

She grinned. “I did.”

“That’s disgusting. Were there dildos everywhere?”

“Everywhere. Purple. Black. Pink. Big. Small. Curved. Even ones with little curvy things attached to them.” She glanced over each shoulder and then leaned forward. “Two holes at once.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m aware.”

“They even have them set up by the cashier, like the candy bars at the grocery store. In case you forget you needed one while you were shopping.”

“So you bought the beads. Then what?”

“We were doing it doggy style, and just as I reached climax, he tugged on the little string. They came popping out of there like pop! pop! pop! I came so hard, I nearly passed out.”

“Holy shit,” I blurted. “I just thought of something.”

“What?”

“Devin poked his finger up my ass. Just as I was coming. Like, right at that instant. I thought I was going to freaking die. I came so hard, I went blind for a minute. And deaf. I’m so not kidding. My ears went blank. I couldn’t hear a damned thing, and we were in the loudest movie in the history of movies.”