Page 39 of Sex On A Plate

PRIME RIB ROAST

DIFFICULTY: You’ll be fingering meat. Despite your gender, you should feel right at home.

TIME: All fucking day.

What you’ll need from the cupboard: A roasting pan (no rack), a whisk, a spatula, and a sharp carving knife.

What you’ll need from the pantry: A rib roast, salt, pepper, a head of garlic, and two sticks of butter.

* * *

Each rib in a prime rib roast is supposed to feed two people. When you buy a roast, keep this in mind.

A 4-rib roast will feed 8 people. A full rack (7 ribs) will feed at least 14.

You get what you pay for when it comes to buying meat, and prime rib is a fine example of this. A well marbled cut of meat is best, but it will cost you a little more, because it will likely be a prime cut of meat.

The “prime” in prime rib doesn’t mean it’s a prime cut.

Yeah, a little play on words, huh?

Regardless of what you choose, it’ll be easy to cook and taste like heaven.

If you haven’t purchased a meat thermometer by now, go buy one. A cheap 9-dollar dial is fine if you’ve got nothing else. One you can insert works best here (not the touch and read type).

Remove your roast and your butter from the fridge. Set the butter aside. Unpackage the roast and cover the entire thing with salt. It’s best to use kosher or sea salt, not table salt. Then, drape it with Saran Wrap. Don’t wrap it tight, just drape the wrap over it.

Let it sit for 2-3 hours.

You can’t skip this step.

Twenty minutes before your time is up, preheat the oven to 500 degrees F.

Yes, 500.

A few minutes before your time is up, set the softened butter in a bowl. Salt and pepper the butter. Take 4 garlic cloves, smash them with the flat edge of a knife, and then chop them fine.

Take 3 more cloves, smash them, and chop them not-so-fine.

Add the finely chopped garlic to the butter mix. Blend with a fork.

When your time is up, uncover the roast.

Pat the meat dry with a few folded paper towels (it will sweat from the salt).

Use a metal skewer (or a steak knife if you don’t have a skewer) to poke two randomly placed holes per rib section into the roast, about 1-1/2” deep.

Using the blade of the knife, the skewer, or your fingertip, poke a sliver of one of the larger pieces of garlic you’ve chopped into each hole.

Pepper the entire roast. Salt it lightly.

Take your butter mixture and pat it onto the top of the roast, and all over each end. You can spread it like you’re putting icing on a cake.

Place the roast in the roasting pan, ribs down. They’ll act as a rack, of sorts (rack of ribs, get it?)

Cook the roast in the 500-degree oven for 15 minutes.

Open the oven, pull out the rack that the roast is on, and insert your thermometer between 2 ribs (on the top of the roast, where you can see it).