Page 32 of Sex On A Plate

2-MEAT 11-Layer LASAGNA

DIFFICULTY: Folding clothes.

TIME: An hour and 20 minutes.

What you’ll need from the cupboard: A skillet, 13x9 casserole dish, mixing bowl, two large spoons, and a spatula.

What you’ll need from the pantry: Salt, pepper, oregano, parsley, 3 cloves of garlic, a pound of ground beef, a pound of Italian sausage, a 16 ounce package of lasagna noodles, 16 ounces of large curd cottage cheese, 8 ounces of ricotta cheese, 16 ounces of shredded mozzarella cheese, three-fourths of a cup of shredded parmesan cheese, half a cup of shredded cheddar cheese, 2 jars RAO’S Marinara Sauce, 3 eggs, and Pam Cooking Spray. Reynold’s Wrap.

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Lasagna recipes are like political opinions. Everyone has one, and it’s difficult to relinquish your own and accept someone else’s as being correct.

I’m sure your recipe is loved by your family. As a change of pace, cook this one someday and see what they think. For years, I’ve had friends and family members tell me this is the best they’ve ever had.

Brown the ground beef and sausage in a large skillet. Drain the grease. Finely chop the garlic and add it to the meat. Add a teaspoon of salt and 2 teaspoons of pepper. Cook over medium stove for 5 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 350.

Add 2 jars of RAO’S Marinara to the meat. Don’t use your favorite. Don’t use a substitute. Don’t buy crushed tomatoes and tomato sauce or any other bullshit because that’s what your mother, grandmother, or Italian neighbor taught you.

Use RAO’S.

Stir. Let this simmer on a low setting.

In a large mixing bowl, combine all the cottage cheese, the ricotta, 3 eggs, half a cup of the parmesan, and 12 ounces (three-fourths) of the mozzarella. Stir until it’s mixed well. Add 2 teaspoons of parsley and a teaspoon of oregano.

Stir until mixed well.

Spray the casserole dish with Pam. Place it in front of you in the manner discussed earlier in this book.

Place the skillet of sauce within reach of the casserole dish. Do the same with the bowl of cheese mixture. Same with the noodles.

No, we didn’t cook the noodles. No, we don’t need to. Yes, it will be fine. In fact, it will be better than whatever you’ve been doing for years.

Spoon a layer of sauce into the bottom of the casserole dish. Place noodles in the dish (On top of the sauce) like you’re situating bricks in a driveway or wooden planks in a floor (stagger them). For instance, place a full-length noodle in the upper left, and a short snapped off piece under it (to fill the gap). Then, place a short snapped off piece in the upper portion of the dish next to the first noodle, and then a long one in the bottom portion. Next, a long one on top, short one on the bottom.

Continue this staggering process until the sauce is covered with noodles.

Spoon sauce on top of the noodles and spread evenly. No, we didn’t forget the cheese. Just do it like this. You can thank me later.

Spoon the cheese mixture on top of the sauce in about four large globs. Spread evenly. Add noodles in the same manner as before.

Continue this sauce-cheese-noodle pattern until you’re out of noodles. This will be four layers of noodles.

End with a THIN layer of sauce (this will be all that is left).

Cover the sauce with the half cup of mozzarella. Then, sprinkle the half cup of parmesan over the mozzarella. Lastly, sprinkle the cheddar cheese over everything.

Tear a sheet of Reynold’s Wrap (yes, Reynold’s Wrap) big enough to cover the dish. Spray it with Pam on one side. Place the sprayed side toward the cheese and fit it to the dish.

Place in the oven and cook for 40 minutes.

Remove the foil.

Cook for 30 more.

Remove the lasagna from the oven and let sit for 15- 20 minutes.