Page 12 of Sex On A Plate

MATT’S BAKED CHEESECAKE

DIFFICULTY: Mix, pour, cook. Mix. pour. cook. Let cool.

TIME: 1 hour and 20 minutes, but then it has to sit for EVER before you can eat it

What you’ll need from the cupboard: A stock pot. 13x9 metal cake pan. A roasting pan (the one you cooked the pork in). A springform cake pan. A mixing bowl. Kitchen scissors. Your electric mixer. A rubber spatula. Parchment paper.

What you’ll need from the pantry: Salt. Cinnamon. Vanilla extract. Lemon juice. Cornstarch. A stick of unsalted butter. A cup of sour cream. A box of graham crackers. 2 cups of granulated sugar. 4 8-ounce packages of Philadelphia Cream Cheese. The majority of 5 eggs. Pam Cooking Spray. Reynold’s Wrap.

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Cheesecake is like barbequed beef brisket. Everyone does it differently, and it’s always better in the restaurant than it is at home. This recipe should change that for you. From here on out, it’ll be as good (or better) at home than it is no matter where you travel to.

In fact, this cake will cause your respective other to grovel at your feet. You’ll be able to demand sex with a finger snap after this cake is consumed, guaranteed.

This is a dense New York style cheesecake. When you taste it, you’ll become a believer in the New York style. I’m a cheesecake hound. I’ll eat it all, including one my brother Matt makes with chocolate chips in it, and love it.

Soft and silky, dense and hard, cracked, smooth, covered in strawberries or plain, it’s all good.

This cheesecake, however, is my favorite.

One thing that is crucial in cheesecake making is this: Eggs, sour cream, and cream cheese all MUST BE at room temperature. You can’t ignore this rule. If you forget to leave them out, do NOT microwave them.

Put the eggs in a bowl of water as hot as your faucet can make it for 30 minutes.

Do the same in a separate bowl with the cream cheese (leaving the foil on the cheese, of course). Best is to leave it out at room temperature for 3-4 hours.

Don’t fuck around and forget this then blame me for a cheesecake that isn’t smooth and creamy. I fucking warned you.

Let’s get to it.

To get started, cut strips of parchment paper that are slightly wider than your cake pan is in height.

Set them aside.

Set the oven rack in the center. Preheat oven to 350.

Melt the stick of butter.

Using a food processor or a blender, pulverize your graham crackers. Then, add 2 cups of pulverized graham crackers crumbs to the mixing bowl with the butter.

Add a 1/3 cup of granulated sugar and a pinch of salt to the graham crackers.

Then, add a 1/3 of a teaspoon of cinnamon.

Mix well.

Spray the inside of your springform pan with Pam. Line the sides with the strips of parchment paper, leaving a little poking out the top of the pan.

Pour the graham cracker crust mixture into the pan and spread it kind of even. Form it onto the edges of the pan with your flattened fingers.

Use an expresso cup, measuring cup, or something else that’s small, round, and flat on the bottom to press the crust firmly against the bottom of the pan. Use the sides of said tool to press/roll the crust against the sides of the pan.

When the crust is evenly spread and pressed firm, bake at 350 for 10 minutes.

While it’s baking, cover the wire rack with two long sheets of aluminum foil, seam in the center.

At the 10-minute mark, remove the crust. Carefully set the pan on the foil-lined cooling rack. Form the aluminum foil 3/4 of the way up the sides of your springform pan.