Page 40 of Goose

Although I could afford whatever the setup cost, I didn’t like paying asking price for anything. Ever. Anywhere that allowed negotiation was subject to my penny-pinching wrath.

“Sorry, we’re not set up that way,” he said apologetically. “We don’t negotiate. Our prices are competitive for an Army-Navy store. If you want it cheaper you can go online and get it.”

“I don’t buy anything online. That’s why I’m here.”

“It’s cheaper online,” he offered.

I approached the counter. “Is it? What’s peace of mind worth? What about privacy? If I buy online, I can’t pay in cash. If I can’t pay in cash, that means I have to use a credit card. If I use a credit card, they have my information. My name, my address. Everything. I could be smart, and use a pre-paid credit card, but that could be traced to the store where it was purchased. Regardless, they’d obtain the IP address of the computer used to make the transaction, which could lead them to me, even if I went to the library and used their computer. If I buy it from you, they don’t know anything.”

He seemed confused. “Who are they?”

I shook my head. “Are you negotiable, or not?”

“We’re not set up that way.”

“That’s what you said earlier.” I sighed. “But. You’ve got an outdated piece of equipment that will be replaced with the current version when you sell it. You only keep one in stock. That tells me you’ve had the one you’ve got for some time, or it would have been replaced a long time ago. So, you can sit on that old, outdated piece of Mil-spec shit from now until the end of time, or I can buy it from you. In case you don’t realize it, people aren’t beating your door down to buy shit. You’ll make a month’s income on one sale. Essentially, I’m doing you a favor. I’ll give you thirty-five hundred.”

“I’ll take four grand.”

“Thirty-two hundred.”

He blinked. Several times. “Wait, you’re going backward. You’re supposed to come up in price. We’re negotiating.”

“That’s not how I negotiate. I offered you thirty-five hundred. You didn’t want it. You lost your chance. Now, I’m at thirty-two hundred.” I cocked my hip. “Do you want my money, or do you want to negotiate some more?”

“Jesus. Uhhm. Shit.” He rubbed his beard while he performed mental mathematical calculations. After a moment, he appeared to have an epiphany. “Okay, I’ll take it. All I need from you is thirty-two hundred bucks and a copy of your driver’s license.”

“Night vision isn’t a regulated piece of equipment. I’m not giving you my driver’s license.”

He shrugged his camouflaged shoulders. “It’s just procedure.”

“My procedure is to pay cash and walk away.”

“I’m going to need to write down a driver’s license number.”

“Write down your own. Or, get the one from the next dipshit that comes in here, and use it. Thirty-two hundred. No receipt. No DL. You can make one up. Take it or leave it.”

He forced a sigh. “Fine. I’ll be right back.”

In a moment, he returned with the device. I opened the case, inspected everything, and paid him in cash. “We’re done, right?”

He thumbed through the hundred-dollar bills. “Guess so.” He chuckled. “Don’t go rob a bank, or anything.”

I grinned and turned away without speaking. A bank? I wasn’t going to rob a bank. Banks had tens of thousands at best. The place I had in mind should have much more cash than that.

Millions, if my information was correct.