Page 63 of Cash

TWENTY - Cash

I’d spentall my days searching for anything to lead me believe that the life I lived was worthy of my existence. I went as many places as I possible and did as much as I could to justify my presence on earth. I was convinced the more I did, the more valuable I was.

During the week I’d spent ‘living’ at Kimberly’s, I learned that an enjoyable life could be as easy as simply existing.

With her head resting on my shoulder, and her knee laying on my thigh, Kimberly remained motionless. We’d spent the last several days doing nothing to speak of, but I enjoyed every second of the time we spent together.

I’d always been one to rise early and go to bed late. Now? I couldn’t wait to go to bed. Getting up in the morning was torturous.

“I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me, but I’m not interested in getting out of this bed,” I said. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the sex, but laying here with you is almost as enjoyable.”

She nestled against me. “I agree, wholeheartedly.”

“I think it’s because it’s so comfortable.”

“It’s a bed in a box,” she said. “A ‘Green Tea’ mattress. I got it on Amazon. Your side’s new.”

I wasn’t speaking about the bed, but her response caught my interest. “What do you mean, my side’s new?”

“You’re the only one to sleep on that side of it.”

I don’t know that I should have, but I felt proud to be that person. I tilted my head to the side and grinned. “No shit? Your ex never slept on this?”

She lifted her head slightly. “Everything in this house is new, and it’s mine. I walked away from everything he and I shared. He was the breadwinner in our house, and he bought everything, so I left it with him. I didn’t want anything he’d so much as touched, anyway.”

“I like it that I’m the only guy that’s slept here.”

She grinned, and then gently rested the side of her face into perfect position against my shoulder. “Me, too.”

I gazed up at the ceiling for a moment, and then cocked my head to the side. “Wait. You’ve been divorced for how long?”

“Four years.”

“How long have you had this bed?”

“Four years.”

I was sure of the answer, but felt the need to ask, nonetheless. “But, you’ve had sex with someone, right? Just not in this bed?”

“I haven’t.”

It wasn’t the first time I’d been wrong. In complete shock, I sat up, bringing her with me when I did.

“You haven’t had sex since the divorce?” I asked.

She seemed embarrassed. “No.”

I gasped. “Holy shit.”

“What?”

I swallowed heavily. “Nothing. That’s pretty cool.”

“Do I even want to know?” she asked.

I immediately regretted asking and preferred not to respond. I gave a response that wasn’t too revealing but wasn’t a complete lie, either. “That’s not something I talk about.”

“Fair enough,” she said.

I never would have guessed it, but at that moment, I couldn’t see myself having sex with anyone but Kimberly. Our bodies seemed to fit together perfectly, whether we were having sex or not.

“All that matters is from this day forward,” I said.

She pressed her hands against my chest, forcing me to down onto the mattress. “I’ll only listen to you if you’re laying down.”

I relaxed onto my back and waited. Like my mother’ cat finding the perfect spot on the couch, she wiggled around until her head was right back where it was. Then, she rested her knee against my thigh.

I shifted my eyes to the digital clock on the night stand. It was ten am. I hadn’t been to the clubhouse in the past week for anything other than attending the weekly meeting. My time had been spent fucking, eating, showering, and sleeping.

I doubted the fellas would understand, no matter how I tried to spin it. How Kimberly made me feel was proof enough that I was in the right place, doing the right thing.

And, that was all that mattered.