Page 46 of Dirty

“Yeah,” I said. “I saw it. She’s 21, not 16. And, I’m not Hank fucking Moody.”

Smokey took another pull on his deal, and exhaled a plume of smoke. “You just trying to stick this chick full of dick and hope the mom don’t find out?”

“No.”

“What are you trying to do,” Pee Bee asked.

“That’s just it. I ain’t sure.”

He crossed his arms and looked down his nose at me. “What the fuck are you asking me?”

“I want to invite Alexandra, the daughter, over for dinner.”

“What’s your question?”

“Would it be weird?”

He nodded. “Yeah, it would.”

I was afraid that’s what he’d say. “How?” I asked.

“I’ve known you for what? Seven, eight years?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“All you’ve ever done is fuck bitches and kick ‘em aside. So would it be weird for you to ask one on a date? Yeah, it’d be weird. Why? ‘Cause you don’t ask bitches on dates.”

“Okay,” I said with a nod. “Is that the only reason?”

“Yeah. What else would there be?”

I shrugged. “Age difference. Her mom. That kind of stuff. And just, the whole deal with, you know, what happened.”

“She’s what? You said 21, right?”

I nodded.

He shook his head. “She’s 21, you’re 30. Who fucking cares.”

“31.”

“Like I said. Who fucking cares. Then, the mom? You don’t owe that bitch nothing. You looking to hook up with her, too?”

“Nope.”

“You sure?”

“I am now.”

“That little bitch sucked your cock, didn’t she?” Smokey asked. “When you were watching Californication.”

I cleared my throat and shot him a glare. “Smoke, I’m gonna come down off this fucking porch and pound your skinny ass if you keep it up.”

“God damn, Cholo. Settle down, motherfucker. But did she?”

“I mean it,” I hissed.

“It’s only weird if you make it weird,” Pee Bee said.