Page 86 of Head Under Water

“Instead, you kissed someone else.”

“You weren’t mine.”

But that’s not what it felt like, even then. I tilt my head to the side and trace a finger across his chest, noticing the racing beat beneath my touch. “And yet…it didn’t stop you.”

His face goes still, assessing me, trying to understand.

“The barn.” I drop the words between us, waiting for the world to implode.

A muscle twitches under his eye. His gaze flicks to my mouth again, lingering there. “You knew?”

“Of course I knew.”

“That night?” he demands.

I swallow. “Yes.”

“And yet you let me kiss you?” A ghost of a smile touches his lips.

“And yet you kissed me.”

He closes his eyes, and drops his forehead against mine, like he can’t bear to look at me. When he opens them again, they’re darker. Sharper. Hungrier. “Do you have any idea how long I’d dreamed about tasting you?” His voice drops low and gravelly with desire. “About having you like that? All to myself?”

Heat swirls through me, curling in my stomach and along my spine. My fingertips tingle like they’ve fallen asleep. Part of me thinks this is all a dream, a reality that could never truly exist. Part of me hopes I’ll never wake up.

“And once was enough?”

The corner of his mouth bounces up with a thought I don’t get to hear. His gaze lingers on my lips. “I’ve replayed it once or twice in my head since then.”

I look down, stunned by his honesty. “So have I.”

He lifts a finger to my chin and tilts it up, so I’m forced to meet his eyes. I don’t look away. His thumb brushes my skin lightly, sending a shiver through me. “I couldn’t let anyone else have you like that. I tried. I tried to walk away—I hated myself for not walking away—but I…I saw my chance. I was selfish with you. I always have been. That game…knowing you were in there, that I could—that you wanted someone to… Just once. Ten minutes. It would never be enough, but it was probably the only chance I’d ever have to kiss you without consequences. Without you pushing me away. I thought my heart was going to give out walking into that room. But I had to know…”

I open my mouth slightly, prepared to push him further, but I can’t find a single word in my throat. My heart beats against my ribcage like a wild animal, so erratic I can barely think.

“I had to know.” His voice goes low as he repeats the words, ending the sentence that I’m afraid may forever haunt me. “I thought you believed I was a stranger. And I hated myself for letting you believe it. I shouldn’t have let myself⁠—”

“You asked my permission before you touched me. And I joined the game willingly, remember?”

Something hot—dangerous—flickers behind his eyes. I feel it ripple through me. “So, you would’ve kissed whoever found you there like that?”

Now it’s my turn to be honest. My throat is too dry, chest tight. “I’m not sure I’ve ever kissed anyone else like that.”

That makes him smile. That cocky, infuriating smile that I’ve always hated, but now it does something else to me. Something…intoxicating.

“Why do you think that is, Opal?” The way he says my name is different now. Or maybe it’s me that’s different. His voice is low and slow, impossibly deep.

Shyness creeps over me. My fingers curl in on themselves. “I don’t know.”

“Be honest.”

“Because…” I meet his eyes again. The air is so thick I can hardly catch my breath. “Because no matter how much I hated you, no matter how infuriating I found you, there was still no one who knew me better. And still no one I’ve ever wanted more than I wanted you that night.”

“Wanted. Past tense.” His gaze falls lazily to my lips, and I see the decision made in his eyes. “You don’t still…want me?” His thumb presses lightly into my waist, a spark of fire that burns just right.

I open my mouth. The answer is there. Hot and reckless, honest and ready to ruin everything. And then⁠—

Buzzzzzzzz.