Page 39 of Head Under Water

He clears his throat, taking a half step back so he’s no longer in the room, just lingering in the doorway. He scratches the back of his neck.

“Did you, uh… When did you get home?” His hand lands on the doorframe.

“Oh, I don’t know. Like an hour or so ago.”

He taps his finger once against the wood, then stills. His gaze sharpens—quick, searching—like he’s doing the math. An hour. Replaying his own timeline. His eyes search mine, but I reveal nothing. Just watch him squirm.

“Cool,” he says eventually. “Earlier than normal.”

The words land heavier than they should. It’s not merely an observation, but a question disguised as one.

And he’s right. I guess I was early.

Today I didn’t hang around, waiting with the hope I might run into Banks like I have been. I was excited to see Mom.

“You hungry?” he asks, studying the place where his fingers meet my doorframe. “I’m making pizza. I was going to see if you’d grab more cheese on your way, but we should have enough.”

Pizza. My favorite. My stomach turns as if some violent creature is inside me, dragging me toward the oven. Even if I planned to turn down the offer, I’m powerless to refuse.

But the last thing I want to do is interrupt his date.

I don’t need to see her. I’m not sure I can bear it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

AGE 19

It’s the last day of the conference, and though I’ve seen Will off and on passing by in the hallway, we haven’t spoken. I spent an embarrassing amount of time last night thinking over that moment in the escape room. The way his hands gripped my waist. The flash of heat in his eyes. The nervousness outside of our hotel rooms after we left.

This is…insane, right?

Will and I hate each other.

We have since we were kids.

We’ve never gotten along, not for as long as I can remember.

That hasn’t changed. It can’t. It won’t.

It was just an exciting moment, and we got swept up in it. Adrenaline. Hearts pumping. Heads spinning.

That’s all.

I barely listen to the two panels I’m supposed to use in my presentation. My mind keeps drifting, like a toddler I’m constantly having to corral. The second I let my guard down, I’m right back there.

His hands.

His eyes.

His skin against mine.

And I can’t let myself go there because…because that would be ridiculous.

At the end of the day, I retreat to the restaurant to eat alone. I don’t want to give Will a chance to get more specific with his request for us to spend time together again. As it stands, we can just pretend it didn’t happen, that we were both just caught up in the moment.

If I’m being honest, I don’t want to give myself a chance to say yes to something I’ll regret.

I linger in the restaurant a long time, ordering refills on my Sprite and reading the book I brought with me. It’s after nine when I sneak back to my room, hoping and praying we won’t cross paths and he doesn’t hear my door shut.