Page 56 of An Engagement with the Enemy

Bessie raised the tongs to give some curl back to a few strands of Jessica’s hair when a knock on the door halted her. “Always the most inconvenient interruptions,” Bessie muttered with a clack of the iron tongs in her hand. Jessica giggled but pressed her lips together when Bessie gave her an annoyed glance.

“Best answer and see who it could be,” she said.

“Yes, miss. But don’t you move.” Bessie went to the door and opened it only a few inches. Then said aloud, “Miss Aldwick is here, miss.”

“Oh. Let her in, of course.” Jessica turned in her chair.

Catherine entered the room, still dressed as though she had only just left the fair behind.

Guilt twisted Jessica’s stomach. She hadn’t looked for her friend at the fair even once, though it was likely Catherine had looked for her. And been quite busy helping her mother organize things in the castle courtyard.

Her friend’s eyes were wide and earnest, the soft, quick rustle of her dress betraying her urgency. “Jessica, we must talk,” she said, concern in her voice as her hands clutched at her gown.

“Of course.” Jessica rose from the table and gave Bessie a nod, dismissing the maid for the moment. “I’ll ring for you when I’m ready to continue with my hair, Bessie.”

“Yes, miss.” Bessie withdrew with a concerned glance at Catherine, the hinges of the door creaking softly as she closed it.

“Catherine, are you all right?” Jessica asked, sitting on the end of her bed. Before she could give herself to worry, she purposefully splayed her hand against the embroidery of her bedspread, the raised threads giving her something to focus on. She exhaled a tight breath and smiled. Then she patted the bedspread to invite her friend to sit, too. “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”

Catherine’s hesitant step toward the bed, the slight tremble in her hand as she smoothed her skirt, all conveyed a sense of trepidation that made Jessica’s heart beat faster.

But this was Catherine. What could be wrong?

“You’re starting to scare me, Cate,” Jessica murmured, trying to smile but failing.

Shaking her head, Catherine came to stand directly in front of Jessica. “That isn’t my intent. Though it is why I am here. I wanted to speak to you all afternoon. Then James returned to the castle, and I found out the two of you had been together all day. I knew I couldn’t put it off a moment longer, so I came.” She bit her lip. Then a look of agony entered her eyes as she blurted, “I know about you and James, Jessica. I know what you’ve been doing, discouraging each other’s suitors together. It’s a terrible plan, and so selfish of you,” Catherine said, her voice quivering with emotion.

Jessica’s stomach sank unpleasantly, as though someone had dropped a ball of lead into its middle. Her hands and cheeks went suddenly cold. She wouldn’t deny it. Not to her best friend. “We’re helping each other, Catherine. Neither of us like the idea of our parents’ dictating when and who we must wed. I thought you, of all people, would understand our desire not to marry strangers.”

Catherine sighed and came forward, taking Jessica’s hands in her own. “Oh, Jess. I love you like a sister, and I want to see you happy. But I can’t help fearing you’re falling in love with James.”

Jessica’s heart skipped a beat, and she tried to pull away, but Catherine held her firm. “That’s ridiculous.” The lie made her throat constrict. “James and I are merely working together. We have a common goal.”

“No. No, it’s more than that. I’ve seen the way you look at him lately, the way you talk about him. You must think of the consequences of such a thing,” Catherine said, her voice softening.

“What do you mean, the way I look at him?” Jessica’s heart hammered in her chest, slamming against her ribs and driving her pulse faster and faster. Her hands grew damp, and she clutched the bedspread on either side of her. Had she really given her feelings away? When?

Catherine’s expression softened, and pity filled her eyes. “I caught a glimpse of you at the fair. Dancing. You looked so happy. And then when James took your hand to lead you away, you looked at him as though he was the only person in the world. Your whole face was glowing, as though you were lit from within. I’ve never seen you look that way at anyone or anything else.”

Jessica swallowed. She couldn’t recall glimpsing Catherine even once. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you at the fair,” she said softly. “You should have come to speak to me then. James was only helping me. He knows about my…my episodes.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “He offered to help me so I could enjoy the fair, and so I could prove that it can be done. I can be in crowds without having a fit of hysterics.”

“I am glad to hear it,” Catherine said softly, but she hadn’t moved from where she stood. “That it can be managed, on occasion.”

On occasion. Not forever. The way her heart raced in that moment, the number of times James had worked to calm her, attested all too well to the fact that she remained uncured.

“I did it today,” she said firmly, more to herself than to her friend. “I will do it again. As many times as necessary. I can go to York.”

“Perhaps,” Catherine said, her voice gentle. “In the right circumstances, and with the right help, you could manage it.”

Why did the doubt in her best friend’s voice hurt so much? Catherine said aloud what Jessica had thought privately, but far more hopefully. “I can.”

“But not with James,” Catherine said. “You mustn’t set your heart on my brother, Jessica. Please.”

“I haven’t,” Jessica denied, but she heard it in her voice. The lie was there, in the tremor of her lips and the heat of her chest and cheeks.

Catherine slowly shook her head. “We have been friends, as you said, nearly all our lives. I know you, Jessica. You care for him.”

Jessica lowered her eyes to her lap, clutching her hands together there. Willing them to be still. That urge to stand and run had returned. To get away from her friend, to not listen to what Catherine said. Even though it came from a place of love.