Page 51 of An Engagement with the Enemy

“I hope you slept well, despite the late hour?” he said as they left the lane for the wider road. Already people were walking along the way, all of them going to the fair and market.

“Yes, thank you.” She looked at the clusters of people walking along, many of them familiar to her. A family with young children, the little ones skipping ahead and then running back when their father called, were just ahead. A gaggle of girls walked together, hands joined, singing a rhyming song. Boys strode in groups, too, some of them walking backward and most of them laughing. There, farther ahead, an elderly couple that seemed to lean on each other for support as much as they used their canes made their way forward. Just beside the couple, a farmer led a mule weighed down by crates of fruit. Behind them, a man drove a wagon while his wife sat beside him with a babe in her lap.

They weren’t even at the field yet, or in the crowded streets with vendors’ stalls, and Jessica was already surrounded on all sides by people. Her heart beat faster and she stepped closer to James’s side.

He glanced down at her and held his arm out, the silent invitation a welcome one as Jessica accepted his escort. “I have a plan,” he said, his voice low and audible only to her. “I thought on it most of the evening. I woke up thinking about it, too. You must tell me if you think it a good one.”

She nodded silently, her eyes on the crowd ahead of them.

“Firstly, if you begin to feel the least bit uncomfortable, you must let me know. Touch my hand. Take my arm. I do not intend to leave your side.” She took in a shaky breath and nodded her thanks. “Arriving early as we are, there will still be crowds. I thought we could begin by walking the perimeter of the field, so you need not feel hemmed in on all sides.”

Jessica looked up at him, her eyes widening.

“We can find the quietest places that way, too. And perhaps find which areas to avoid. But if you ever have a moment when you need to step away, to rest or find a moment of quiet, you have but to tell me. Even a glance will be enough, Jess.”

“You have given this a lot of thought.”

He met her gaze, tilting his head as he did when he was being especially clever. “I haven’t the faintest idea what this is like for you, though. I merely tried to think of what I would wish, were I to find myself in a moment of distress. You must tell me if there is more I can do, or if there are things that have proven useful in the past.”

The road grew more crowded as they came to the field, and Jessica’s lips parted in wonderment. It had been ages since they’d held a fair, and the usual market days were nowhere near so festive as what she saw before her. Ribbons in shades of red, blue, and yellow were artfully woven around the trees, lining the field, lending an air of festivity that seemed to touch every corner of the village ahead, where she glimpsed more bright colors wound through fences and streaming from windows. Large tents were raised to house games of chance, exhibitions of skill, and vendors peddling everything from wooden toys to rare books.

James covered her hand with his and she realized she’d tightened her grasp without meaning to. He kept speaking in that same low, soothing voice. “What else will help you today, Jess? How can we make certain you enjoy yourself?”

She swallowed to loosen the tightness in her throat as excitement warred with fear. What if nothing they did worked? What if the spinning of her thoughts and the vise around her chest overcame her entirely and she swooned?

A gentle tug on her arm kept her following James to stand beneath one of the ribboned trees. He released her arm only to maneuver himself in front of her. Her back touched the tree and a ribbon, lifted by the breeze, stroked her arm. James blocked out the crowd, standing over her like a shield. His deep brown eyes were dark with concern.

“Jess? My dear little ally, talk to me.”

She blinked at him. “Dear little ally?” She pursed her lips. “I haven’t been anyone’s ‘little’ anything in ages, James.”

He stared at her in surprise a moment, then his grin broke through the puzzlement in his expression. “You’ll always be littler than me, though.”

“Everyone is littler than you,” she retorted, finding it easier to breathe. Easier to concentrate on him. “You went from scarecrow to giant overnight.”

“And you from a knobbly girl to a Greek statue,” he retorted. “And still. Smaller than I am. In almost every way.”

“Not in wit,” she pointed out.

“No. Never there. We are a match for one another on that account, at least.” Was it her imagination, or had his expression turned somewhat wistful? She didn’t get long to think on it, as he was speaking again. “Very well. We should return to my original question.”

She couldn’t recall what that had been.

James’s gaze turned gentle once more. “What more can I do for you, dear Jess? What has worked in the past?”

She blushed at the endearment, gentle as it was. Then forced herself to take in a deep breath. “Remind me to breathe,” she said on a whisper. “Not to gasp for air, but to take it in slowly. That has helped. Distract me, if you think you can, if my mind seems to wander.”

He nodded. “I can do those things. What else?”

“Help me remember where I am,” she whispered. “That I’m safe.” Why did this feel so shameful to say out loud? James wanted to help her. And she’d discussed these things with her own father, with James’s mother, with Catherine. Yet it still felt like defeat, to rely upon him or any of them. Her eyes pricked with tears. “You needn’t do this, James. I know I can be difficult, and this burden isn’t yours to bear. We can return home, if you wish. Or when Catherine comes, you can leave me in her care. I have no wish to bother you with my shortcomings.”

James stared down at her, and his expression softened. Gently, he took her hand in his. “You could never be a burden to me. I want to be here for you, in any way I can.”

He brushed his thumb over her knuckles in a soothing caress. “Don’t think for a moment that I view this as an obligation. It’s a privilege to stand beside you and support you through difficulties. That’s what true friends do. And we are that now, are we not? Friends?”

Jessica blinked back tears as she nodded, overcome by his sincerity. James lifted his other hand to brush a loose tendril of hair back from her face.

“Now, shall we try again?” he asked gently. “You mentioned some things that help. I can remind you to breathe deeply and distract you if needed. I’ll stay by your side, so you remember you aren’t alone. If it all becomes too much, you have but to say the word and we’ll find a quiet spot for you to rest. Or I can return you to your home, without judgement. No one can expect you to conquer a life-long challenge in a single day, Jess.”