Page 41 of Discovering Grace

The same could not be said of Grace. Content to be quietly working in the background, Grace was calm. She was the sea on a clear day, lapping gently against the shore. Hope’s personality held the potential of a hurricane.

When Grace settled back into Hope’s bed that evening, she still had not found the precise words to use when she spoke to Papa, or Jacob. Tucking her feet in the sheets Susan had warmed for her, she pulled the blankets up beneath her chin and tried to find some comfort. Sleep would doubtlessly elude her again.

Had it been wrong to switch places? Every moment since the idea struck, Grace had justified her actions. She had granted Hope the ability to go off and have an adventure the likes of which she had only dreamed of before. But Grace’s motives began with selfishness. She had wanted to protect herself from that sort of upheaval as much as she wanted to gift it to her sister.

As she tried to sleep, one thought she fought against since the beginning materialized clearly in her mind. Saving herself, and giving Hope what she wanted, had not been Grace’s only motivations.

When Jacob took orders and moved to the vicarage, Grace knew he would ask to court Hope. He never said as much, but that would be Jacob’s way. He would wait until he had a future to offer the woman he loved, then he would make his intentions known.

Hope wouldn’t have agreed to it. Grace couldn’t imagine her sister ever entertaining the idea of marrying a vicar, of living a quiet and simple life. But what if she was wrong? By preventing Jacob from trying, had she ruined his chance at happiness?

Within the deepest corner of her heart, Grace knew if he only gave her the chance, she might prove herself the better match for him. Through her machinations, her deceit, she had sent Hope away and created the perfect opportunity to show Jacob what he had not seen before.

Tears burned at her eyes and she dashed at them before they could wet the pillow. They were hot, shameful tears, condemning her selfish conduct. Did she have to confess this to Jacob, too? It had pained him to lose Hope. It was Grace’s fault he had been hurt. Confessing feelings she had only ever acknowledged in the privacy of her heart and thoughts, revealing everything to him, frightened her more than any ocean voyage ever could.

Groaning, Grace pulled the blanket over her head. Jacob would hate her. He would despise her for lying, for her selfishness, and she would lose his friendship. Through that, she would likely lose the rest of the Birchwood Society. Isaac and Silas would not look at her the same way again, she was certain, when they learned of what she had done. When Hope returned and learned the truth, whether or not she considered Jacob a possible match, she would be hurt Grace had thought to manipulate her.

Though Grace tossed and turned for hours, she finally snatched a little sleep. When the sun rose, she woke again. It hurt to open her eyes. She had finally given in and cried, and now her eyes ached. Susan would likely see them, swollen and red, and think Grace ill.

Without much cheer, she rose and bathed her face in the cool water of her basin. She pressed a damp cloth against her eyes and laid back down, willing the swelling to go away. When she finally heard Susan at the door, she snatched the cloth from her face and dropped it between the bed and the table at its side.

A whole day had passed since receiving the letter. Another day of falsehoods.

There was no choice. She must tell Papa at the first available opportunity.

Her stomach sank. Well. Perhaps after he had finished his morning work and she took in tea to him. Then they would be in his study, a private place away from the servants. Yes. That would be the best time. Because, she reasoned, after she told him everything, he would forbid her access to her friends. And she must confess to Jacob, too.

Grace made plans for visiting Jacob’s home to seek an audience with him. It would be indecent to call upon his household before ten. That was when she would leave.

Her mind made up, Grace went to breakfast and greeted her father as warmly as she ever had before. Once she told him everything, it might be some time before he allowed a kiss and embrace from her.

Chapter 16

Adjusting her gloves as she walked out the front door, Grace did not at first notice someone standing beside Hope’s pony and the dogcart.

“Mr. King,” she said, unable to disguise her surprise. “Good morning, sir. I did not expect you to call today.”

The handsome, dark-haired man turned from studying her conveyance to face her. “Miss Everly, good morning.” He came to her and bowed, a rather dapper grin in place. “I realized yesterday, Miss Everly, that you never did give me a tour of the orchards. I hoped to beg one from you today. But I can see you are going out and I am no more than an inconvenience.” He sighed dramatically, his eyes twinkling at her. “Might we arrange it for another time?”

There would not be another time, she well knew. As anxious as she was to speak to Jacob, delaying the inevitable look of betrayal upon his face appealed to her. “I think I can spare you a quarter of an hour this morning, Mr. King. The orchard is not large, but a turn beneath the trees might do both of us good.”

His countenance visibly brightened, and he held his arm out for her. “Nothing would be better for me, I am certain.”

Grace took his arm, realizing she had no need to pretend with Mr. King. He did not know Hope, only the stories he had heard of her, and yet he seemed to like Grace. Perhaps being in his company would give her the measure of confidence she needed to face Jacob. Walking beneath her father’s apple trees never failed to settle her nerves, either.

“Then we had better take our tour, Mr. King.” She waved to the groom. “I shall need the cart in a quarter of an hour.” She kept her voice cheerful and light as she explained the importance of orchards to Mr. King, who proved an engrossed audience.

The diversion, the delay, was what she needed before she sought out Jacob for a much less lighthearted conversation.

* * *

Jacob had spent the whole of the previous day pondering his feelings for Grace. Now, on the second day since the picnic, he needed to speak to her. Not to make any sort of hasty decisions, but to see if he had imagined the possibility of more between them.

The uncomfortable conversation wasn’t something he looked forward to, but what was a little discomfort if it led to lifelong happiness? Even if Grace did not see things as he wished, it would be best to find that out before he spent any more time romanticizing a friendship.

He asked Matthew to borrow the hunter and wasted no time in leaving once permission was given. What would he do when he could no longer use his brother’s mount for his own errands? While the vicarage afforded a fine living, and some farmland came with it, he certainly couldn’t afford such a fine horse. Whatever mount he used would have to pull a gig and likely a plow.

The bubble of pleasure in his chest, knowing the vicarage would be his in less than a fortnight, nearly burst within him. He would leave for a meeting with the bishop soon, to be ordained. Then, finally, his life would be on an established path where he had a place that belonged to him and a vocation to work upon.