Page 33 of Gorgeous Misery

“I had to let them go. It was for their own good. But you’re better with me than without me.”

Her shuffling pauses. And I think I can detect a smile, even though I can’t see her face. It’s the way her shoulders move, ever so slightly. It’s presumptuous, but I’m right. Because she turns again and she is smiling.

“If we’re better together, why do we spend so much time apart?”

I let out a long breath. “Well. Maybe it’s time to fix that?”

This time her smile is different. So different it catches me off guard. I’m very astute at reading people, but so is she. So the two of us together are a lesson in self-control and checked emotions. But she gives it all away when she blushes and I’m immediately reminded that she is only eighteen years old.

“I know what you’re thinking,” I say quickly.

Her response comes out as a laugh. “Do you?”

I nod. “Yep. You’re thinking… what now? Who are we? Where will this go?”

Maybe she wasn’t thinking that, but she is now. And it hits because she’s back in control of her expressions, any trace of that blush totally gone now.

“And that’s OK, ya know? We can do that.”

“Do what?”

“Wonder about things. Intentions and shit like that. Or we can just be who we are.”

“Haven’t we always been who we are?”

I nod. Slowly. “That’s why I like you. I have always been me with you.”

“Hmm. I’m trying to think if I can say the same.”

“And?”

She shrugs. “I dunno. I didn’t see you as a man before last Christmas. I saw you as a…”

Her pause kills me. I die waiting. “Don’t say ‘brother.’”

She laughs. “No.” And then she puts up a hand. “You’re not gonna like this though, because when I was a kid, and I was with you and Lauren, I felt like we were a family.”

“We were.”

“I know. But I mean…”

“Father?” I say. “You saw me as a father?”

“No. You were too young for that.”

“So it is brother.”

“No. Because if you were a big brother, you would not have expectations of me. You would’ve been all protective the way you were with Lauren. But you always treated us different. You always had expectations of me.”

Now it’s my turn to pause. “Did I? What kind of expectations?”

“You know. I had your back.”

“Oh.” I smile. “Yeah. One hundred percent. If shit went down, I always knew you had my back. So that makes us… friends. Just like I said.”

“You gotta start somewhere, I guess.”

I agree by nodding my head. “Yeah. So. You wanna get some dinner?”