Page 28 of Gorgeous Misery

Birthday number seventeen was hard.

But by the time birthday number eighteen rolled around, my world was changing. Or rather, my worldview was changing. Maybe that’s not quite right, either. Maybe… maybe that’s just when I realized that Wendy was my world?

CHAPTER FIVE - WENDY

When did I start living on the road?

I guess I didn’t know I was living on the road until my tenth birthday. Before that I always considered home to be home. But after that, I had to find a place to fit Nick.

Because birthday #10 was our first real goodbye.

BIRTHDAY #10

14 YEARS AGO

“Are you awake?”

I snuggle down into the covers and pretend I’m not.

“I know you’re awake. We’re leaving today.”

I flip the covers over my head. “But it’s my birthday. I’m ten. Ten is a big fucking deal. We can’t leave on a birthday. It’s not fair.”

Nick Tate is across the hotel room changing Lauren’s diaper. She’s content and doing that goo-goo thing she does when she’s happy, flinging her legs around, biting her fist, and generally acting like a baby.

“I know it’s your birthday. That’s why we’re leaving. We’re meeting Chek in Pensacola tonight and it’s a drive, so…”

Chek. I blink a couple times. I had kinda given up on him. I thought for sure he was never coming back for me. In fact, I was so sure of this that I started picturing myself with Nick and Lauren in a forever kind of way. Like a family. It’s not a bad life. There are no jobs, so it’s a little boring, but it could be a lot worse.

This hotel we’re in is a big deal. It’s like a mini-resort. It’s got a pool, and a water slide, and a lazy river, and a beach. And I had already pictured myself swimming in that pool, and sliding down that slide, and relaxing on that lazy river. Like, hello? This is the kind of place where you spend a birthday! You do not pack up your shit, get in a truck, and go somewhere else when you’re already at the perfect place.

This is not rocket science. I don’t care who’s coming back. This is my day.

We’re going to leave tomorrow. It’s already planned. And we’re going to go somewhere interesting. Nick always lets me pick where we go next. Some days I just close my eyes and point to a place on the map. Some days I do research. So I dunno how I’d feel about Chek coming back, even if it wasn’t my birthday.

I say, “But we were going to visit the bayou.” And I think I’m actually whining a little.

“You’re still going to the bayou,” Nick says. “I’m pretty sure Chek has a job coming up in the swamp. So.” He looks over his shoulder at me, smiles. It’s fake. “You don’t need me to take you there.”

“Hm.” That’s what I think about that answer. It’s not that I need Nick to do anything. I can do everything myself. But that’s not the point, is it?

We were supposed to go together. And now Chek just shows up out of nowhere and plans get erased?

It’s like… what the hell?

I’m annoyed.

Life with no Lauren? That I would not mind too much. I mean… she’s cute and all, but she’s a little brat. And she has so many opinions. And a lot of the time, Nick lets her have those opinions. But she looks like me. And people, when we’re out places, they think we’re sisters because we both come from that Zero bloodline. All of us have blonde hair, but Nick has brown eyes and Lauren and I both have blue eyes. Sometimes they think Nick is my dad, but he’s not really old enough to have a kid my age. So I think they probably assume he’s my brother. Or uncle, maybe.

The point is, we look like a family.

Chek and I don’t look alike at all. He’s bald. Well, he shaves his head. And he’s got all those tattoos. When people see us together, I’m pretty sure they think he kidnapped me. But he’s too scary-looking—and I’m too creepy—for people to care enough to start asking questions.

When I’m with Nick and Lauren, people always want to talk to us. They want to stop and coo in Lauren’s face. They want to smile at Nick because even though they should be afraid of him, no one is afraid of him. If these strangers are young women, they want to flirt with Nick. And they want to talk to me too. They ask me things. Things like where do I go to school, and how old am I, and what is my name.

And then I get to tell them. I say, “I’m homeschooled, I’m nine—until today, now I’m ten—and my name is Wendy.” I’m not creepy when I’m with Nick and Lauren. I’m just Wendy.

No one thinks I’m creepy when I’m with Nick.