Page 84 of Pretty Nightmare

“Look, I’m sorry too.”

“What are you sorry about?”

“Comparing Indie to Maggie. She’s not your daughter. It’s not even close to the same thing.”

I want to agree with him, but I can’t. Not really. Because this is the reason I never wanted this kind of relationship with Indie.

Well, that’s a lie right there. I have wanted it. “She’s just…” But I throw up my hands. “I dunno. I do love her like that. I’m not gonna lie. But it does feel wrong. And you saying it so plainly…” I sigh.

Adam uncrosses his arms and walks over to me. We stand, eye to eye, just a few inches apart. “It’s all in your head, McKay.” He taps me on the head while he says this. “It’s a construct.”

“Yeah. I get it. There is no blood relation between us. At least I don’t think so.”

Adam chuckles.

“It’s not funny. Maybe there is? We could be brothers. We’d never know, Adam. They hide that shit from us.”

“I think Donovan would know. And he would tell us that. Besides, I’m sure my father knew. We’re not related. We look alike, but you are the spitting image of your brothers and father.”

“Were,” I correct him.

“Yeah.” His guard drops down a few notches. Then he takes a deep breath. “Did you ever regret leaving home, McKay? Is that why you were never interested in me?”

I think about this, but don’t say anything.

Adam’s eyes search mine. “I mean, I would understand if this was the case. If your father had come to my house and paid my father to take me away, I’d probably resent you too.”

“I don’t resent you, Adam. It’s not that.”

His eyebrows go up. “But it is something?”

“I’m just… into girls. Ya know?”

“Right. Indie.”

“Yeah. Among others.”

“You have others right now?”

“No.”

He nods his head a little. “You want others? Besides Indie?”

“Listen,” I say. “I love you. We can do this. But I don’t know if this…” I pan my hands wide. “If this is all there is, ya know? I can’t say that for certain.”

“So you see yourself walking away at some point?”

I laugh at this. “Adam, if I could walk away from you, I’d have done it over a decade ago. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Then what are you saying? Yesterday was a mistake?”

“We kissed. So what? It’s not a big deal.”

He frowns. Breathes. Takes his time. “It’s a big deal to me, Core. And I’m gonna say something right now and you can do whatever you want with it. OK?”

I’m stuck on the way he used my real name. It echoes in my head. I can count on one hand the number of times he’s called me Core without saying McKay at the end.

“OK?” he asks again.