Page 109 of Pretty Nightmare

That’s why she ran away from Adam and McKay that first day I saw her standing on the edge of the trees alongside the Old Pearl River. She even told me that. Those words came out of her mouth not ten minutes into our new friendship. I asked her what she thought she was doin’ in the swamp all alone. Because it was clear she had no fear of anyone or anything and there are plenty of things in this swamp to be afraid of. I just wanted to make sure she was aware of that.

And she said, “I had to drop off some secrets before I started my new life.”

That’s it. That’s all she said that first day. I had no idea what she was talking about back then. And I mostly ignored her answer. Just cooked and fed her some fish on the beach because she looked weary. Like she’d just gotten home from a long journey. Then I took her back to my house and hid her in the thick trees while I went inside and fed my grandfather his dinner. And while I was in the kitchen with my grandfather, I thought about how it had been a long, long time since I thought about the smell of sadness.

And now here it was. Back again. Clinging to this girl who should not be here, but was.

Her sadness smelled like faraway islands and little girls wrapped up in snakes. It smelled like a dark summer night and a winter rain on a gray day. And every once in a while, her sadness smelled like bloody knives and slit wrists.

But if that was all there was to Indie Anna Accorsi, it wouldn’t have gone on this long. No one would’ve paid any attention to her. She would’ve been just another little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. Just another little girl wearing a loose white dress inside a cage. Just another little girl no one would remember tomorrow.

But that’s not all there is to Indie. She is also lit-up fireflies in an old mason jar. And squishy mud between toes in a misty summer morning. She is little weedy flowers in an August meadow, and a burst of happiness when you need it most.

Everyone sees it.

Everyone.

I knew some things about what had happened to her before she came to live at Old Home. And my grandfather told me plenty of stories about what Adam and McKay got up to in the world. All those stories came with warnings at the end. Stay away from them. Don’t go over there. Don’t be seen.

He didn’t mean seen as in don’t let them see me. By the time Indie came they had already seen me a couple dozen times at least.

He meant… see me. Through me, past me, inside me.

The real me.

Because I had one thing going for me that Indie never did.

I remembered everything.

So I knew things. But it wasn’t just the life Indie lived before she came to Old Home that made her smell like sadness. It was everything that came after too.

It took me a long time to figure that out. I was only ten and I had been sheltered from the outside world for years by that time. I went to school in Pearl Springs. I had friends. I was planning on playing football that summer. I was on a local team and had even gone to some practices. But when Indie stepped out of the woods smelling like a swamp full of secrets, I quit the football. Didn’t go back to it for another four years because her appearance swept me up and knocked me down.

Life before Indie was one thing and life after her was another. And never did the two lives ever meet again.

Not even now. Even though I’ve been calling the past several years “life after Indie”.

She changed me. At least I thought she did.

But looking back now, I can see that she didn’t really change me.

She just… revealed me.

She uncovered me.

And from that day on—even up to and including this day right here—nothing about who I was or where I thought I came from would ever make sense again.

FORTY-EIGHT HOURS AGO

I stare at the payphone after I end the call with McKay, wondering if I should just leave well enough alone. Wondering if Indie is better off without me. Wondering if this new little girl who is so obviously hunting me will make these decisions for me.

Then I walk back to the motel and go inside. Don’t flip on the lights. Don’t sit down. Just stand there in the middle of the room and try not to spin out of control.

The answer to the first question is probably yes.

The answer to the second question is a definite no.

As far as the third one goes, I can’t see the future. If that little girl really wants me dead, there’s probably nothing I can do about it. So I’m gonna take that as it comes. She will make her intentions known when she’s good and ready.