Page 87 of Battle Scars

And another. I cried until there was nothing left, no tears and definitely no hope.

All that was left was my shattered heart.

Now, I feel naked and emotionally raw, and it doesn’t help that I’m actually naked. I jump up and race to the bathroom. I snatch my clothes up from the bathroom floor and quickly pull them on. I need to be covered, shrouded in even this useless armor.

I can’t be bare when he gets back. I don’t ever want to be naked again. An icky feeling is coating my skin and I hate it. I want to snatch back every time I showed my boobs for a magazine or wore something skimpy. I hate this feeling that men have seen me like that. They’ve all taken pieces of me I can’t get back.

Gabe took the last of me and now there’s nothing left.

Oh God, he’s going to come back.

He said we were going to figure out the mess I made when he gets back. I thought there would have been more finality in his parting words, but no. Just that we’d figure out the mess I made because falling in love with him was apparently a mess.

Then again, those are his feelings; he’s the one who feels that way. He clearly didn’t fall for me. How did he so eloquently put it? That I made him addicted to my pussy? He’s just a man on the job who fell prey to my magic vagina.

I guess if his goal was for me to un-fall in love with him, that’ll do it.

I’m angry and sad. And broken.

The one thing I am absolutely certain about, is that I’m not going to be here when he returns. I race into the bathroom and wash my face. It’s red, swollen, and puffy from crying. Who cares though? If no one finds me attractive ever again, I will probably consider it a blessing. I do not want to feel like this ever again.

I slide my feet into my Chucks and grab my leather hobo bag, and then I realize it might be a bit chilly out still, so I set my bag down and pull on an oversized sweatshirt. In my rush to get out of this room, I don’t think about where I’m going to go. Or what I’m going to do. I guess I could go shopping or get a massage. I wish I could just get on a fucking plane and go home. I don’t belong here anyway. I never did. Maybe I should plot out what I want to do with the rest of my life, because racing is going to break my heart all over again if I lose and my dad hands the company over to Bobby. I know that sounds petty and childish, but I don’t care. I feel like I’m losing everything.

Maybe I’ll rescue cats.

I have enough money, so I don’t need to work. I could just rescue cats from shelters, or save them from the streets, and give them a nice life until they go on to cross the rainbow bridge. Maybe I can steal Hugo and we can move to Hawaii, live on the beach, and eat all the fresh seafood until we both weigh two hundred pounds.

Only that doesn’t solve my current predicament. I have to get out of here, because I cannot face Gabe again. He doesn’t love me. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to wait around and become his crazy ex-girlfriend.

Not to mention it would be humiliating to have him dump me while he’s supposed to be protecting me. I never should have fallen for him, never should have slept with him. I’ll admit to my mistakes, but first I have to get out of here.

I’m actually beginning to panic, when there’s a knock on the hotel room door. I look through the peephole and see Bobby. God, I need a friend right now, anyone who can help me get out of here. It won’t be Eli though, and he won’t let me go off on my own. And he has a bad habit of reporting my whereabouts to the man I need to get away from.

But Bobby will help me get away. I grab onto that idea with both hands and pull open the door like I was shot out of a cannon.

“Bobby!” I greet him with just a shade too much enthusiasm. “What a nice surprise.”

Eli is standing behind him and giving me a look that asks, Did you start dabbling with pharmaceuticals in the last hour and not tell me? I very subtly shake my head so he will let it go.

“Addie, are you okay?” Bobby asks.

“Of course I am,” I lie. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. You just seem weird,” he says, giving me a strange look. This man was my best friend for years and he has no idea I’m dying inside. Has there never been a man who gave a shit about just me? Just Addie the person? I want to scream. I want to rail against the injustices of the world and fuck the patriarchy but there’s no one here who’ll listen.

“I’m fine.” I wave off his concerns while Eli openly scowls at me. He’s not happy at all.

“Okay,” Bobby says. “If you say so.”

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Eli mumbles, but it’s loud enough for me to hear it.

“Anyway,” Bobby says, changing the subject. “I came to see if you want to sneak out and go get an ice cream cone with me like we used to when we were kids.”

Thank God my friend is back. I could kiss him. Although maybe not. That seems to get me in a lot of trouble with Gabe, and until I’m sure he’s gone for good, I need to take heed and stay away but also avoid scenarios that will get me spanked—in a good way or a bad one. So no kissing Bobby. Probably ever. Not that I want to.

“That sounds great,” I reply. “Let me just grab my bag, and we can go.”

“Sure,” Bobby agrees.