Page 84 of Battle Scars

“I’m not feeling very nice at the moment,” he replies in an ugly way, and I do the absolute worst thing possible and open my mouth to retaliate.

“For all I know, I could be pregnant right now.” Jesus H. What the hell am I doing? I’m not this girl. I would never trick a man with a baby, real or otherwise. What I am is hurt and wanting to hurt him the way he’s hurt me.

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve fucked me left and right for months, Gabe. Months, and not once did you use a condom.”

“You’re on birth control,” he snaps. “I didn’t think I had to.”

“How do you know that?” I ask, panicking. Why would he know that? Why does he always know so much about me while I grasp at crumbs about him? I was an idiot to think we would ever have a chance, not when the chasm between us was so huge.

“I snooped through your shit in the bathroom,” he admits. “Gotta say, babe, you don’t exactly hide shit with the way you leave it out on the bathroom counter.”

“You looked through my stuff?” I ask.

My voice sounds small and broken even to my own ears, but Gabe doesn’t stop. He continues to break apart every last bit of what we had.

“I haven’t fucked a woman since my wife died,” he bites out. “I couldn’t stay away from your pussy. It called to me like a fucking addiction, but even as weak as your cunt makes me, I needed to know who I was fucking, and baby, I do. You take that shit every day. There is no possibility of you getting pregnant, and now there never will be.”

“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you, and you’re never going to love me.”

“Are you happy now, fresa? You couldn’t just leave things well enough alone, could you? You had to push and push and push until you had what you wanted,” he snarls at me. I clutch the covers to my breasts, not wanting him to see me anymore than he already does. “Just like always, but what if I can’t love you? What if I don’t want to love you? Did you think of that? Did you get everything you wanted?” He stares at me, anger marring his face. “What? No answer? I’m going out for a drive. We’ll figure out this mess you’ve made when I get back.”

And then he leaves me sitting in the bed that he just made love to me in, and I’ve never been more alone.

THIRTY-ONE

FUCKING HELL

Gabe

What the fuck was she thinking?

For the first time in a long time, I want to rage. She can’t love me; there’s nothing to fucking love. What does she know of love anyway? Nothing. Not one fucking thing. All love does is build you up to send you crashing to the fucking ground.

I have to get out of here. I can’t look at her still in bed with the sheets rumpled from sex. I can smell her arousal in the air and taste it on my tongue. Even as shaken as she has me, my cock is still half hard. That’s what she does to me.

But love? Negative.

I’m not going to let someone make me feel like losing them would kill me without actually putting me in the ground. Not again, but thanks for asking. Been there, done that, burned the fucking t-shirt.

I quickly pull on my clothes, step into my boots, and head for the door. But she’s not ready to let me go. Adrienne is going for blood. She wants to cut me, to gut me, and watch me bleed for her, and I can’t let her do that.

“I love you,” she whispers again.

Fuck me, I wish she would stop fucking saying those words. It feels like a fist has my heart in its grip, and it won’t stop squeezing every time she utters them.

“I love you, and you’re never going to love me.”

“Are you happy now, fresa?” I snarl. I want her to know the way she’s making me feel. Erratic. Off balance. Crazy.

She clutches the covers to her breasts, hiding herself away from me. Too late now, little girl. You should have hidden yourself better a long time ago.

I say some more ugly shit to her, warning her that we’ll talk when I get back. Maybe after I’ve had a chance to drive around for a few hours, I won’t be seeing red. How dare she ruin what we had? We could have easily kept fucking for months—maybe even years. But now what am I supposed to do?

I’m not the monster she currently thinks I am. I just gave my heart away a long time ago, and my sweet Macy took it with her to the grave. I don’t have anything left to give Adrienne. Only a voice in my head whispers that maybe that’s not so true. If I could, I would, right?

When I walk through the hotel room door, Eli is in the hallway with a concerned expression on his face. I hate that he thinks of me the same way Adrienne does. We probably all knew it would end like this eventually. I should have stayed away from her. I just… couldn’t. She calls to me like a siren. There’s just something about her, and I can’t stay away.