Page 72 of Dirty Fighter

His brows draw together.

Mine lift. “Didn’t you hear them?”

“I didn’t. I mean, later I guess I realized they’d come home. But when you ran off like that… I wasn’t really thinking about anything else.”

Oh God. “Jason, I’m sorry. I was panicked about my mother finding us together. But it didn’t matter. She already knew. There must have been a camera in the living room or maybe more than that. It’s the reason they came home early. She told Ed it was because of the storm and being worried about me. But when she came to me, it was clear she’d seen us together. And… she said it would be a shame if anyone got the wrong idea about what kind of man you were… just at the start of a career where public image mattered so much.”

“What the fuck? Rowan, you should have—” He cuts off, realizing after the fact that he’s agreeing with everything I was saying.

“I should have said something. But I’d seen what she could be like when people got in her way. I knew that she wasn’t making idle threats about sabotaging you. I already hated myself for bringing our mess into your life. I couldn’t live with myself if I ended up compromising your career. So when you tried talking to me in the kitchen the next day… Yes, I was scared. But not of you. I was scared of what she would do if she saw us talking. I was trying to protect you. But in the end, I cost you your home.”

Jason looks at me for a long time as the history we’ve both only had pieces of falls into place.

Now he understands.

Now he’ll never look at me the same way as he did this weekend.

Now, some stupid part of me feels like I’m losing something that rationally I know was never mine… but I wanted, if only for this short time.

Jason sits on the bed, and I let his hands slip free of mine.

I don’t want to hold on to him if he wants me to let him go. And… now that he knows about the time capsule, maybe I can let all of this go. Maybe it’s time.

“Jason, once it clears enough for a boat to cross… I’ll go.”

It’s enough to pull him back to the here and now. “You think I want you to leave?”

“I— I don’t know. I mean, maybe. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” He’d wanted me to go before. For too many reasons to count. But now, this? “I needed to stay because of the time capsule. For Ed. But… I know you’ll⁠—”

“Help you bury it. In a place my dad would love… knowing that he would love it all the more because we’ll do it together.”

“Okay. Thank you.” It’s something. Something that means more to me than I think it could for Ed or Jason. And even if things are different between us now… more the way they were that first day before we got lost in our little escape plan… that’s okay too. “Did you want a little time alone in here? Or out in the living room? I can give you space… wherever you’d like it.”

He shakes his head and lifts his left hand to catch mine.

“Com’ere,” he says, drawing me into the vee of his thighs before bringing his right hand to my hip, well above the scrape on my leg.

Because of course he wouldn’t forget.

I slip my fingers into his hair, loosely combing through the softness as his head tips back into the touch and his eyes meet mine.

“You’re not the reason I left, Rowan. I’m serious. We both made choices. As best we knew how under the circumstances. If we’d known more, if we’d felt safer, if, if, if… maybe we would have chosen differently. Maybe not. But there is only one person responsible for me leaving, and it sure as hell isn’t you.”

My throat gets a little tight, and I have to blink at the moisture in my eyes. “My mother.”

“Not her either. What she did to you. What she did to me… I’ll never forgive her for it. But she’s not responsible for me going either. You need to hear me on this. I had an invitation to play for a Juniors team with a coach I really wanted to work with. When it first came up, I hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of leaving my dad alone. And then you and your mom came along. I’d almost said yes. But I didn’t. I’d been wrestling with going or staying for a while. I knew it was the right thing if I really wanted the chance at the NHL. But I hadn’t been ready to leave… yet. And while the circumstances that led to that decision sucked… there’s a good chance I would have come to it on my own either way. And if I hadn’t… there’s a really good chance I would have regretted it. Okay?”

I search his eyes, my hands having stilled at the back of his head.

I don’t know if it’s okay. What I do know is that he needs me to be okay with this version of the truth that I’ve never actually considered. I still feel responsible for what happened. But I don’t want Jason worrying about it. So I give him what he’s asking me for.

“Okay.”

He nods, pushing to his feet and catching my hand in his. “Let’s keep the capsule in the living room for now. Nice to be able to see it for a bit while we plan where we want it to go.”

“Sounds good to me.”

We pick it up, and as I’m leading the way out of the bedroom, Jason teases from behind me, “Can’t believe you were ready to dip on our escape.”