Page 99 of Broken Vows

“I love Theo. I’ve loved Theo since I was six. I can’t imagine my life without him.”

My heart sinks. Maybe this isn’t going the way I thought…

“Theo’s loyal to a fault,” she says. “Honestly, sometimes it’s to his own detriment. Once he zeros in on someone, he’ll protect them no matter the cost.” She pauses—long enough that I glance at her, wondering if she’s finished.

Then she adds, “I think you should know how loyal Theo can be.”

Over the steady gurgle of the stone waterfall and the muted sounds of crew members moving behind the hedges, she tells me more—about Theo, about her family, about the cage they built around her. “When they threatened to cut me off, I was scared of course, but I was also prepared for it. Because I didn’t want to marry Theo. I was going to tell them no.” She swallows. “And then Theo talked me out of it. He said he couldn’t stand by and watch me throw my life away.” Her gaze drops to her hands.

“I think he was angry with himself for not having another solution. For not being able to save me like he promised he would. So, he agreed to marry me. To protect me. He sacrificed everything out of loyalty, and I let him. That was the most cowardly thing I’ve ever done, but it’s why I stayed in Italy so long. Watching him destroy himself for me was killing me.”

Tears spring to my eyes, but I blink them back.

“Do you love him?” she asks.

My chest seizes with the question. No. No… right? I don’t love Theo. I hate him. For years, I’ve hated him. It’s essentially been my baseline emotion as an adult.

Whatever this is, it’s just the fallout. The aftershock of the best sex of my life being ripped away from me, my body scrambling for meaning where there is none. I’m misreading the signals. That’s all this is.

But even as my mind fills with these thoughts, my heart aches, and I know I’m not being true to myself. “I… don’t know.”

“It’s a scary emotion. The vulnerability, the way it leaves you exposed. Honestly? Sometimes I think love is worse than fear.” She takes a breath. “Well, it’s obvious to me that he loves you.”

Does he? He’s never uttered those words to me before. But even if he thinks he loves me, I’m not sure he knows what love is. He hurt me. He lied to me. That’s not love.

Annabelle puts her hand on my arm. “Lexie… it’s always been you. Theo’s been in love with you since the day he met you. If I weren’t in the picture, I swear he would’ve claimed you the moment you crossed paths in the quad.”

My heart absolutely stops beating. The quad? What? When? “What are you talking about?”

“God, he used to never shut up about you,” she says with a laugh. “But, things were complicated with us, with his dad… it was all so messy. And, I had no idea what happened back then with you in college and the expulsion until last week. Christ, that man makes some terrible decisions. But, I really do think what he did back then, he did for you.”

Everything is spinning. I rest my head in my hands.

“When he brought up the idea of using your company to plan the wedding, he begged me to pretend like I didn’t know anything about you. And I figured that was the least I could do since, you know, he was marrying me and all.”

Oh God, oh God. Okay…

“He never chose me over you. Please don’t ever think that.” She starts moving her hand up and down on my arm in a comforting gesture. “I need you to really hear me on this, Lexie, okay? He never chose me over you. He chose my happiness over his.” She pauses, letting it settle. “He made the greater sacrifice in letting you go and keeping his promise to me. Does that make sense?” Her voice softens. “You were always his first choice from the moment he saw you.”

My fragile, broken heart starts to stitch and balloon so quickly that I feel dizzy. I sit upright, staring at the trickling waterfall, and try to retain all the words. Theo chose me the first day he met me.

“Let me ask you again. Do you love him?”

I think I know. But it all hurts so much that I’m terrified if I say yes, it’s going to hurt worse than it does now. “Would it matter if I did?”

Annabelle turns all the way to face me and grabs my hand. “I think you need to find Theo and get clarity. Once you talk to him, maybe you’ll know what to do.”

With this, she rises from the bench, gives me a squeeze on the arm, and leaves me to think.

Right now, I’m faced with the proverbial sliding door moment. And I must decide if I step through it or not.

45 Lexie

My whole body feels numb, but I lift myself from the bench and move towards the courtyard, unsure of where to go next. This is all too real.

My heart pulls me one way and my brain another, and yet my body makes an independent decision to drag me into the house and up the stairs. I need clarity and closure and I’m not going to get either if I don’t do something. With every step, my brain flips between what I should do. By the time I reach the top, I’m still lost.

All I know is that I need one more moment with Theo.