Page 71 of Nightshade

Katya gave me an encouraging little dip of her chin, and I got up and headed toward the porch.

Viktor’s shoulders tensed when I came outside, but Aleks straightened in his seat. He’d been leaning over his knees toward an older woman in very fine dress. It was structured and tailored in a way that the modern clothing that I’d seen wasn’t. She looked proper, even though she was showing a good deal more skin than anyone I’d seen who’d worked with a modiste.

Evie, in jeans, was perched on the porch railing to listen to them talk. She grinned at me and waved a hand toward their guest. “Altair, this is Prudence. Prudence, this is⁠—”

“Your resident vampire,” she said smoothly. Something about the way she spoke made it seem more like I belonged than that she was being derisive. She offered her hand to me, and I bent to kiss it. Her skin was papery and cool. “A pleasure.”

“The pleasure is mine, madam.”

She snickered. “Prudence is fine, dear.”

“Prudence, then.” I inclined my head to her once more before turning to Viktor. Perhaps this was a conversation the whole pack needed to be privy to, but Evie was right there, and it felt wrong to throw her into yet another fight just by my thoughtlessness. “Might we have a word, Viktor?”

He sighed like he was the most put-upon werewolf in the world. When he pushed out of his seat, he rose like his body was heavy as lead, but that was probably the strain of taking time to talk to me.

We walked away from the porch, and Viktor was silent. His footsteps didn’t make a sound beside me. It was uncanny.

When I couldn’t take the quiet anymore, I stopped and turned toward him. “You know Ivan.”

His jaw clenched. “Not really.”

I swallowed. “No, but you’ve . . . seen him. Since the last time I have. Does he still⁠—”

“Tear people apart starting from the inside?”

I shuddered and looked away, but I nodded. As bad as things had been with Ivan, he had . . . preserved me. I still had all my pieces.

Most of his victims weren’t recognizable as human by the time he was finished with them.

Viktor sighed, and when he spoke again, his voice was quiet. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that he felt bad for his sharp words. “My . . . company,” Viktor said, “sometimes worked with him. Once, he requested a wolf. Even a werewolf . . . there was nothing left but viscera.”

I nodded, my throat too thick to talk. I wasn’t surprised. He’d want to prove to himself that he was the strongest creature around, but it was more than that. Weak or strong, he liked to play with his food.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Viktor scowled at me. “Why? You didn’t do it, did you?”

“No . . . I . . . When I was with him, there were times he’d command me to—” I wrapped my arms around myself. As much as I wished that Leo were there to lean on, I didn’t want him to hear this either. “If he thought I was too soft, he would involve me, but only if he could add to his own amusement. On my own . . . I won’t lie to you. I’ve killed people, fed from them to survive. I can’t make any excuses beyond that. I couldn’t get caught, and I thought . . . I didn’t realize there might be a way to survive as what I am without . . . without hurting anyone.”

“You don’t think you’re hurting Leo? Making him weaker?”

I flinched. “I don’t want to. Would you prefer I starved?”

“Yes.” He sighed, scraping his hand down his face. “How am I supposed to trust that you won’t lose control like your master?”

Did I trust myself that much? Once, I wouldn’t have, but now, I knew want besides a vampire’s hunger. Even starving, I’d never felt the impulse to do to people what Ivan had done.

And then it struck me—I could choose differently from him. Whatever it was that drove Ivan, it had no hold on me. “Because he didn’t. Ivan never did anything he didn’t mean to do.”

“And you’ve always been perfectly in control?”

“Unless he commanded me otherwise. Ask Tristan how many witches I bit. How many I awakened without ever feeding from them. I could have tried—certainly was hungry enough to, but I didn’t.”

“You were their prisoner.”

“Yes, and since I’ve been free to act in accordance with my own desires, have I actually hurt anyone? Even Leo. You might not like it, but he . . . he comes to me on his own. I won’t push him away just for your comfort. I⁠—”

Viktor narrowed his eyes, his whole face tightening when I broke off. “You what?”